hi Red, big hug.
i'm the other side of the fence,a phone call one morning as we lazed around in bed brought the sky in on my head. i'd paid for something online,they rang because my card failed, as i took the call re trying the card i knew by the horror on my hubbys face there was a problem,i felt sick.
it took a few days for "it all to come out",i think he was too scared to tell me/face it in one go. he'd taken cc's loans out i knew nothing about,ran up a big overdraft on a joint bank account etc etc.(which i was angry about).
we went to the CAB who mentioned BR[:0][:0][:0][:0] & IVA, we'd never heard of a IVA.
my hubby became quite low,he's a big strapping 6ft tall man but he cried.
things were very serious, his wages dropping so low
we didn't have enough to do a 5/6 yr IVA. it was a terrible time,it made us both ill& put a lot of strain on our marriage.
my parents saved us,they lent us £ to do a F&F IVA on the condition we repaid them.
i didn't want anyone to know,we felt so ashamed,embarrassed etc. mum& dad promised not to tell the family but it's come out my mum's told my brother & sister[V].i feel so ashamed but we can't do anything about that.
BUT, we are in a much better place. the worst thing in a marriage/relationship is secrects! i was/still am so saddened that my hubby didn't feel he could talk to me. i thought we were doing well(close,connected)but suddenly i realised we weren't
I was so angry,terrified of baliffs coming. i also had to look at how i was with £, i have permanent health problems, my hubby did all the banking,he'd make a fuss if i said i wanted to go to the till (takes effort i have mobility aids),my disability was used as a excuse to "leave it all to me". so now i have online banking set up so i can keep an eye on things with him.
he's good with figures,i'm good at budgeting & saving. we make a good team - together!
i love him so very,very much,he is my soul mate, we re newed our marriage vows last yr. i don't care if we never go abroard on holiday again,it's more important that home is safe but i know he does miss holidays.
i would urge you to talk to your hubby,it's so much better out.it saddens me to think of my lovely man carrying such a burden,i don't know how he slept - ostrich mode! it sounds as though your husband loves you very much.
use this place,it really helps,you are NOT alone here &you have your lovely hubby[;)].
72 months is overwhelming,why don't you break it down. 1 yr/12mths at a time? so in 2012 you're 4th down & 8 to go?? might help. everything passes,you will get through this.
i think most of us, which ever side of the fence hit a low at some point. you could be suffering from depression too,debt brings great stress. have you thought about seeing your DR? diet is v important,you can eat well on a budget.
learn the big lessons from all this - we've learnt a lot! will be thinking of you,big hug[;)] x
Nothing stays the same...everything changes..hang on in there!
