ive been brave & told my mum & dad.

[tori]

oh my goodness ladyh,now i am in tears.youve been through so much,& i am so sorry for your loss.you should never ever blame yourself.we cannot control what may or may not happen.taking on someone elses child is a very big thing to do.i love lauren to bits but we were all strangers to each other when she came to live with us.so it has been hard but at the same time rewarding.me & oh have struggled as it was such a sudden,huge change to our lives,but we muddle through.we have to stay strong for each other.xxx

[tori]

i dont have any children of my own(yet!)but can only imagine that there is an instant bond with the baby...with a stepchild however,you have to build up the realationship over time & it can be hard.i go through phases where i think i cant cope & wish that we could have a break from it all,but then i feel so guilty for thinking that way.i tend to always put myself last to protect every 1 else & their feelings but thats just how i am.thank god for this forum! its so nice to be able to have a moan & offload.xx

[Viki.W]

Tori, It sounds like you are a very strong, loving person. You are very lucky to have a lovely family to support you, and of course there is always your forum family.[:)] You have really supported me these last few days and I really appreciate that, I'm very pleased you are here.[:o)] X

[tori]

[:I] thank you both,viki & ladyh.and i hope you are feeling okay today viki.i am so thankful for finding this forum & you lovely people.i cant believe that going into an iva has turned out to be such a positive thing. & i am honoured to have met such fantastic,supportive individuals.long live the forum !! x[:)]x[:)]

[tori]

viki is right ladyh,you are definitely a fantastic person and without doubt an inspiration.you have been through all that and have come out of it with such a strong and positive attitude.good on you ! xx [:)] [:)]

[flow13]

I think that you are all wonderful and brave on here. Everyone has their problems and yet the people on here are willing to help others even if they are going through hell themselves.

[Soulgrowth]

I think the truth is that by helping others we help ourselves [:)]

Debbie

[facingittogether]

i am so humbled to be a part of this forum!

ladyh - you are such a special and courageous lady who has been through such tough times yet you are always here as a listening ear for all of us!

i know you wont believe it but what happened to chris was in no way any fault of yours! you both obviously loved each other very much and no one can take away the bond you had or the special memories!

tori - i so admire you, it must be so difficult at times for you!
but your step daughter sounds like she is a happy wekk balanced teenager and that credit has to go to you! you are a star!

love barb x

[tori]

thank you barb,what kind words.when you are going through difficult & challenging times it can seem like you are the only person in the world who is in that position & i felt like that alot before i found this forum,because i dont know anyone else who is in an iva or has experienced what i have with taking on a child in the circumstances which we did.so its a big big help to read about other peoples experiences & ultimately gain comfort,support & advice from them.ps wheres your cute little cat gone ? ! xx

[facingittogether]

just thought i would have a change from the cat hun!

so glad you are feeling mrore positive! like you say at first you think you are the only one who in the world who has debt worries, this site is such a great place, i know it was a god send me finding it!

you will be ok, everyone is here for you

love barbx

[chilipepper]

can you add internet monthly cost to outgoings? or is it classed as a luxury?

[Viki.W]

chilipepper, have a read of this old thread, remember, these are just guidelines. X

http://www.iva.co.uk/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=7238

[chilipepper]

whats ccs? allthis is so confusing
im a single parent with 2 kids one 15 one 5 how does housekeeping work with that, also son is in the air cadets and that costs £15+ amonth can i add that to expenditure?

[Viki.W]

Chilipepper, when you talk to the IP, you have to put down EVERYTHING that you actually spend. Your IP will sort all of this out with you. There are guidelines set that the creditors work to but they are not set in stone. X

[chilipepper]

ok just dont want to add things to my list if they are not feasible thats all