Separation in IVA.. Desperate for help..

[RICKI]

Hi Everyone..
I don't post on here much anymore but I do 'dip in' regularly and see how people are doing..

But I now need some advice, and I just don't know where to start.. The beginning may help, heh?!

Well.. my husband and I began our IVAs in August 2006,owing about £66,000 unsecured and with a £27,000 loan secured on our house.. We are in a 100% IVA, we're paying back every penny that we owe, which I am happy about and damned proud of.

We have made our monthly payments consistently and make our overtime uplift payments on time, every time. We have basically had no problems and any hassles we have encountered (sickness from work, reduced salary, the need for a lease car, a new baby etc) have been addressed and dealt with successfully.

I've been married for 10yrs, and we've been together for almost 16yrs.. For the majority of my marriage, there has been violence from my husband.. Not so much hitting me or laying a finger on me.. But if he gets angry, he'll punch a wall, thump a window, break something or headbutt the floor.. I've spent years begging him not to leave me despite everything he's done, but it was always me who tried to make the marriage ultimately work.. The 'hold' he had over me was the threat that if I didn't do what he wanted, act how he needed, say what he required, that he'd leave me, divorce me and I'd have to 'cope' as a single mum. We have 3 children together and I always thought so strongly that they 'needed' us to be together..
That was until June this year.. when i suddenly 'got balls' and realised that I deserved better.. He wrote obscenities on my walls and it was exactly what I needed because I decided in a split-second that I couldn't cope anymore..
He moved out when I told him that I needed him out of the house.. I spoke to the police who told me that I have been a victim of domestic abuse, however much I disagree and I have slowly but surely began to get back on my feet.

We still have a joint bank account, from which all our bills are paid, despite him currently living with his parents.. But he is now begging me constantly to let him back in my life, in the house and for us to 'try again' to make it work.. He tells me that if I don't, he'll only leave enough money in the account to cover half the bills and leave me struggling.. He is making me feel guilty because he knows how hard it is to support 3 children on my pay alone..

Anyway.. (sorry for going on so much).. I have now began working full time and I've pretty-much decided beyond doubt that I cannot let him back into my life completely, especially after our history together..

We have just recently had our 4th annual review (woohoo!) with our IVA company and everything is going ok with it.. But it is due to finish in August 2011, with us remortgaging for about £30,000.
If I get back together with my husband, we would be able to afford the remortgage, but there is no way that I could alone..
So.. the idea I have in my mind at the moment is to wait until the New Year, put my house on the market and use the money we get to pay the mortgage (prob about £25,000) and the secured loan (prob about £18,000).. I'm not sure how much I will get for my house but does anyone out there think it is likely that I would be able to offer our creditors the rest of whatever we get to pay off the IVA in a sort of full and final payment? Or at this stage, would they expect the full amount I owe? Especially as I owe 100% of the initial debt?

I'm so incredibly sorry I've gone on for so long, I'm just not sleeping with figures going thru my mind constantly and I'm panicking so much..
I know what I need to do for the safety and sanity of myself and my children, I just need to know that I won't lose everything.. I've tried sooooo hard to make our IVAs work and I cannot face failing at this late stage..
I'm sorry again, but thank you in anticipation
xxx

[Lisa2009]

Hi and welcome.

Firstly i will say, i think you have been really brave finally making that decision. Noby should be treated like that.
Have you had a chat with your IP directly? With paying back 100% the creditors may well accept a slightly lower offer under the circumstances.
They will NOT want to see your IVA fail at such a late stage.

Have a look on the Insolvency Service website. Under the heading "find an IP"
You will find a direct email address so you dont have to go through the call centre staff.

Good luck x

[kallis3]

Hi Ricki,

I am so sorry to hear of all of you problems. I have to say that I think you are better off without him.

You need to speak to your IP to advise them of the change in circumstances.

Don't let him bully you.

Come on here at any time for support and advice. We are always here.

[RICKI]

Hello and thank you so much for your reply..
I'm getting really panicky about it all but I will definitely speak to my IP because I just need to know that I can cope alone without messing up my life anymore!
Thank you for listening and for such good advice, I appreciate it more than you know....
xxx

[leaKybrain]

I'm sat here cheering you on, what a very brave lady to be going through all that you've gone through, and to be sticking to your guns on your decision.

I do think you really do need to talk to your IP as they will be the ones who can advise you. Is there a chance they will accept what you've paid so far as F&F. It would be a real shame to have to sell your home when you need it to look after your family.

[kallis3]

We are here for you Ricki. You deserve a break.

Let us know how you get on with your IP.

[Broke of London]

You're so brave...you've got balls of steel! Speaking to your ip to discuss the options for completing your iva is the best idea. Try not to lay awake at night as there will be a way forward for you and your children. I can't count the times posters including myself have regretted the time spent worrying when their ips turn out to be sooo helpful and understanding. Your ip will be more concerned about you providing for your family than returning a full dividend to your creditors. Good luck and let us know how you get on xxx

[RICKI]

Thank you all so much for answering me.. it's so kind of you to take the time..
I'll speak to my IP asap.. I'm determined not to take the step back to my husband.. Nothing in this world is worth seeing my children sitting subdued in case they upset their daddy, is it?
I'm obsessed with reading 'Desiderata' by Max Ehrmann at the moment with its' final verse:

"With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy"

I have three beautiful, wonderful children and I'm gonna work my ass off to make sure they have the life they deserve.
Thank you thank you thank you
xxx

[Skippy]

What a good quote, and how true.

I'm sorry you're having such an awful time Ricki, but be proud of yourself for what you have achieved, and know that you are doing the best for you and your children xxx

[leaKybrain]

Ricki we are here for you any time you want to talk or rant, thanks for sharing those words they gave me a lump in my throat.

[Lisa2009]

It takes more guts to walk away and go it alone than it does to stay.
You should be really proud.
Please stick around and let the forum know how things go x

[MelanieGiles]

If I were your IP I would be more than happy to put your suggested solution in front of creditors - and put my full recommendation behind it. It seems that this will give you the much needed fresh start that you really deserve after all of this poor treatment.

[Broke of London]

It is the hard decision to go it alone. It's the one my mum took and she has really come into her own with 'friend's' queueing up to take her to dinner. And I'm sure your home will be filled with three noisy and boisterous children in no time! Just takes a while to let the tension seep out and realise it's not coming back. X

[liamjames]

What an amazing story. I'd certainly support your proposal if you were one of our clients, and I can't imagine that your IP or your creditors would give you any trouble.

I can just echo the above in saying that you've been incredibly brave and congratulations on making what must have been a really hard decision. x

[RICKI]

Hello again,
I just want to thank you all for your comments, suggestions and advice.. I really do appreciate your kindness.
I've had a few 'down' days thru the past week but I'm back on the up now and gonna speak to my IP and get this moving..
It really is so hard to stand by what I believe but I know that I am better off on my own, my children and I are all happier and safer.. And that in itself has to be worth the worry!
Thank you all again.. You truly are amazing
xxx