wishing you well, keep your strength up and then hopefully you'll talk and although things take time to calm down they generally do. Sending you a cyber hug.
IVA final payment left the bank on the 26th January 2013...looking forward to a debt free future.
Glad you are feeling a little calmer today. We've all felt the same emotions and have been/are in the same situation, that's why we're all here on this lovely forum supporting each other.
Look after you and hubby and get him to speak with Melane if you can. My hubby didn't really understand what an IVA was all about plus the fact he didn't know the level of debt and if I could have had Melanie speak with him then it would have all been a lot easier, we weren't with Melanie's team then.
Don't stop posting, we're all thinking of you and rooting for you xxx
7 year IVA completed in December 2016 - there is light at the end of that tunnel
we have had a brief chat - I have told him that the house will be ok - he doesn't seem to want to know anymore at this stage - I told him to ask me if he had any questions - he says the biggest thing for him is the trust.
I told him I never set out for this to happen and that he would trust me one day again when all this is over
It is a shame that you are getting ladled with all of the blame here - when you should be getting some support. Yes, I concur with the trust thing - and you know yourself you should have asked for his help much earlier on, but unless you have wardrobes like Imelda Marcos I think that you have both benefitted from these borrowings and should now both share some responsibility for it. Don't let him make you shoulder all of the guilt for what has happened, instead share the positive experience of moving forward together in partnership with a plan of action.
Sharing from experiences of dealing with debt
The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively.
Bob Marley. http://kallis3.blogs.iva.co.uk
I agree with you and I will bring the subject up with him when things have settled a bit more - we have made some progress today thanks to you!
To be fair, I have told him a lot of lies, which is why he was so unaware of what was happening - in the coming days I will ensure that we agree to take a joint approach to the finances now, so that he is completely aware of we have and do not have.
I onyl wish I had something to show for it! Although I think that would be worse in some ways as he really should have known what was happening if I had a wardrobe of designer clothes!
I have made it through the day and that is only down to all the people who have posted an encouraged me. I have a hard road ahead, but feel much more positive than I did this morning.
Plus he asked me what I want for dinner which is a big deal in this house, he is the cook and doesn't eat if he is troubled..so perhaps he is feeling a little better?
Thanks everyone - glad I haven't blown up the forum - I can be quite jolly sometimes!! Melanie I look forward to speaking to you over the coming days and weeks
I agree with Melanie. It's not fair that he's blaming you entirely for this - I can understand him being hurt, but to shut you out completely isn't fair. OK, maybe you should have told him what was happening sooner, but you were living on credit to pay the bills, not to fund an extravagant lifestyle. My partner is self employed and while I don't know exactly how much money he has, I know when he hasn't worked and I worry where his money is coming from.
I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, that's not my intention, I just don't think it's fair for you to shoulder all of the blame.
as bad as it is, I used to tell him I had earnt x amount a month when I hadn't - didn't want to worry him and worked from home, so he wouldn't know any different
I do agree with you both though - its just not a subject for today I don't think!
Oh, and shutting people out is one of my darling husbands specialities - soon to be knocked out of him!
Still, I have given him the shock of his life and he's still here, and doesn't want a divorce - onwards and upwards eh
I agree Skippy, you should not be taking all the blame.
I lied to my husband about our debts and I'm not proud of it, however, we have come through it and now have no secrets.
Sharing from experiences of dealing with debt
The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively.
Bob Marley. http://kallis3.blogs.iva.co.uk
I've just read my previous post! I actually meant to say that I agreed with Skippy, not that I thought she shouldn't be taking the blame![:D]
Glad things are taking a turn for the better soashamed.
Sharing from experiences of dealing with debt
The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively.
Bob Marley. http://kallis3.blogs.iva.co.uk
I'm not being judgemental but its a bit unfair on the bloke to say that he has benefited from the debts when he didn't know about them in the first place, but once his raw emotions have passed i'm sure he will come round and stand by you.
He has in a way as this money has gone towards paying the mortgage. Even though the great majority of the debt on my credit cards was spent on me, hubby, eventually, was quite happy to accept that.
Sharing from experiences of dealing with debt
The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively.
Bob Marley. http://kallis3.blogs.iva.co.uk
My hubby will realise too - nevertheless - this isn't his fault, its mine whether he has benefitted or not - we are on the right track to sorting it and at this stage I can't ask for any more.
Its been a huge shock for him and I think at last he can see its bad, but not the end of the world
Thanks everyone - I couldn't have got this far without you all.
As an aside, there is another forum (not sure if I am allowed to mention the name) that is soooooo negative about IVA's - it really gives a dreaful impression of them - I don't think it should be allowed as it nearly put me off doing it and I can't be the only deperate person that reads that forum
