Think we've reached a decision

[drowning-mummy]

Hello All,

Have spent entire week, weighing up pro's and con's of both IVA and Bankruptcy. What a week!

Everyone has been so supportive on here. Optimist said "Do the right thing, pay creditors back to the max" and I have to agree that I whole-heartedly agree with that. But.......others said "Do what is right for you" and to certain extent I agree with that too. If it was just me, on my own living my life, then the former advice would be the route that I would folllow. I really dont give a monkeys about me. I'll live on beans on toast if I have to, its my children that I care about and I have "to do the right thing for them".

Yesterday I recieved a letter from my union saying that the tax free element of my salary was now to be taxed. This prompted me to dig out some work papers (all been filed away whilst on maternity) and to my shock and horror, realised I had made a HUGE error on my I&E. To say I flew into panic mode and called myself every name under the sun is an understatement. I had given Jones/Giles a figure that was based on a full time salary when I will be returning to work part-time, so that part of income is automatically reduced by half. When I'd calmed down, I decided to go through the I&E sheet and see if I had made any more major mistakes. Luckily I had not made any mistakes with income but I had missed off 2 expendidtures (not sure if they are allowed). Waited patiently for hubby o come home from work and then hit him with the news.......the news being that we dont have enough money for an IVA. He seemed relieved as BR is the route that he would rather take. The reason for this, is that he is a hod-carrier by trade and in the last rwe years has been very unlucky with work. Touch wood, he seems to be with a good firm now, but you never know. He just didnt want the IVA to fail after all of the teams efforts.

So it looks like BR is the route for us. Not sure how a judge will feel with debts of £24,000 combined, maybe he wont grant it? Have not had a chance to chat with Melanie yet as decison was only reached last night, but feel better already, that we now know what we are doing. Still very scared, been reading loads this week, and still heaps a I dont understand, the latest is our life assurance? Soemthing about OR seizing that? What will happen if one of us dies?
Anyway lots to think about and lots to research, looking forward to monday when I can speak to a professional from Melanies team and see what the next stage is. I know we will need some dosh to go BR and FINALLY hubby has been paid. It was only £1088 for 3 weeks work (£835 is our mortgage alone), but its something and we managed this month with no credit (I even managed to take girls to the zoo for eldest ones 3rd birthday......I didnt pay for her though, I said she was still 2, never get to heaven but when needs be)!

I'm going to write a blog too. I want to help others as I have been helped. I cried buckets to Melanie about the stigma of going BR, now I've decided that I'm not going to be ashamed. If you are ashamed then others will join in. If you hold your head up high and say "I tried" then others will usually leave you alone. I wont be knocked down and I think a blog would be a good, theraputic tool for me.

Wish us luck, we're gonna need it!

[Viki.W]

Hey drowning-mummy, I do wish you luck hun, it must have been so hard coming to this decision but you've thought it through and that's the important thing. I'm sure it won't be as bad as you think and then you can move on and have a fresh start in life for you and your family. Make sure you keep posting. Thinking of you. Viki X

[MelanieGiles]

No need to wait until Monday - I am taking my Mum shopping in a bit but will ring you when I get back. I feel that you are making the very right decision for you, and that this will give you the fresh start that you need to get back on track and back in the air! There is nothing to feel ashamed about, and I promise you that in three months time there will be lots of smiling again. Speak later.

[plasticdaft]

Good luck with things Drowning-Mummy.You make the decisions for YOU and YOUR FAMILY and no one else,they come 1st. If our scottish trust deed fails to become protected(approved) we too shall probably end up being forced down the sequestration route(BR for kilt wearers),but lets hope it doesnt come to that.

Melanie,do you ever take time off for yourself??? You really do amaze me with your level of commitment and professionalism.

[cfnc]

I know that this has been so hard for you DM, but I beleive when you have weighed everything up you have made the right choice for you and your family.

Thinking of you and sending you lots of hugs.

Kirsty

[MelanieGiles]

I get lots of time off plasticdaft - have just come back from a lovely holiday diving in the Red Sea.

I love being a forum member as I learn so much which helps me in my professional life - and as we all know it is pretty addictive! And in this profession you have to be prepared to work the evenings and weekends to fit in with the needs of your clients, so I'm happy to juggle that too.

And have a great husband who literally does everything in the house, as I really can't cook and hate cleaning! I hope your TD becomes PTD. I have been operating in Scotland as an IP since April, and can see so many advantages of that system compared to what we have down South.

[angela18]

i'm so glad DM that you can now feel like you have a way forward.. good luck and hope it all works out good.. ignore everybody else.. they don't matter!! fingers crossed for you and a brighter future

[plasticdaft]

The only problem i could see was the p/£ return rate is much reduced due to TD usually being only over 36 months,an advantage to those who succeed in getting their TD protected status but it made our offer seem a little low to me.
Fingers crossed though and thanks.

[drowning-mummy]

Good luck plasticdaft. We are a Scottish family, and although I was bought up in the South, we have considered moving back to hubbys home town on the West Coast. Only thing that has stopped us before are our debts, so maybe a freshstart in a few years coupled with the br will be the best all round.

Thank you Melanie. Its been a hard week, but well worth it. Step-mum is going to buy our interest and I have arranged for her and I to meet on tuesday.

We are off to the woods now for a good old fashioned ramble. Some wonderful views up there, I feel loike smiling for the first time in ages.
Not sure if phone can get a signal there Melanie, but more than happy to wait until monday to speak to you. Just you replying to this topic has made me breath a sigh of relief. Thank you.

[kallis3]

Good luck drowining mummy - you certainly sound a lot more positive than you have done in past threads on here.

I am sure that you have made the right decision. You can now start to live again, and pretty soon you'll be debt free.

All the best to you and your family.

Big hugs from me to all of you.

[Shining]

What a relief you must feel, your post is very moving and although and obvious that you have not taken the BR decision lightly. Go for the blog, it's very therapeutic for me and look forward to reading yours, all the best for your future. x

[chardonnay]

Hi DM,
I'm so pleased you've reached the decision you feel is right for you and the family. Not long to go now and you'l be weel on your way to getting debt free.
Enjoy your ramble in the fresh air,
Sending love & hugs to you all,
C x

[Skippy]

Good luck Drowning Mummy, I'm glad you're doing what is right for you. I found that when I actually made the decision to go BR it was a weight off my mind, and actually doing it was nowhere near as bad as thinking about it.

At the end of the day, you have to do what is right for you and your family. I think most of us on here would pay our creditors back if we could, but it's not always possible, and if you're going to have no quality of life for the next 5 years then you've definitely made the right decision. Life is too short to spend worrying about money, especially when you've got children.

[Kazzy E]

Oh Kaz, I am so pleased you have reached your decision. You took your time and took everything into consideration and I am positive that you have chosen the correct route for you, hubby and your girls. I was very worried about you during the week, especially after reading your email(I will of course reply over the weekend), but I have been thinking of you loads and willing you to be ok. If it wasn't for the fact that I could lose my job, BR would probably have been a route that we would have seriously considered, 'cos as you know, I work in finance, so IVA is better for us. Well done for getting through this week unscathed, I know it has been really hard for you. I will hopefully receive some news in the next few weeks or so re NR, and I will of course let you know how we get on. Keep emailing and keep smiling Take care, you know where I am. Kazzy x

[freelili]

Hi DM

So glad the fog has cleared and you know what lies ahead. OK, so there will be a few scary days some uncertain things but imagine there is a cloak out there in the hall, put it on and imagine that no matter what happens you, hubby and the girls will be safe, it will protect the most important thing to your family..... you. You have us here to turn to at the most scary times. Its only money, you, your hubby and girls are worth far more..