Sometimes its just not worth it

[MrsKnight]

Hi all I cant sleep [:(] Im sorry to waffle but the last few day have left me feeling drained n really down.
My hubby is brilliant, hes over coming his conditions that are with him forever & could turn on him at any point or not at all. The treatment he is getting is slowing down to every 2 weeks, but a life on medication & constant monitoring. Hes getting fed up going, n fed up of tests n wants to be normal, which will never happen, which he is finding hard accept.
He still works incredibly hard, never gives up, has only had 3 weeks sick due to his condition & believe me he should of had more time off.

Hes been having an horrendous time at work, he is in Middle management & his deputy are not pulling their weight not caring about the position they are responsible for, having time off sick when "needed" for other things n getting away for it for years, & management fully aware. Putting hubby under massive strain over the years & months. This happened again 3 weeks ago (deputy went "off" again) Leaving Hubby left unsupported & no staff (due to others holidays) & having to do everything & finally broke down yesterday.

He had phoned me whilst at work n just broke n ended up in tears, I asked him to go explain to management about how he felt n I told him to tell them he wanted to come home.
Answer from management on duty: "dont you start"!.
He didnt know what to do, so he stayed n Head management phoned him n gave him some supportive advice so he managed to complete his shift.
The problem for hubby is he has heard it so many times before, his illness are not helping but he can still continue to work.
Everything is really getting on top of him n there is nothing I can do, we feel like its never ending misery, life, job, future, happiness.

I just sometimes feel this & the IVA are not worth it, even though we count down the months n look towards the end, I dont know if he or we will make it. We are really strong together n hold different strengths for each other, sometimes its just incredibly hard.

See I waffled loads again! sorry x

[Shining]

Lyns first a big hug ((((hug)))

Waffle away as I often do. Your hubby is going through a lot and if obviously reflects on you and your relationship. You sound and appear to be a strong couple. You're love for your family is obvious and to be honest I can't imagine what your hubby is going through and what you as a family unit are going through. Not having 100% health isn't good, you're there for him but sometimes we need Lyns time and you need to take this.

I wish I could do more Lyns and help you out but sadly we're not so close to each other but on or off the forum I'm here for you xx

[MrsKnight]

Thank you so much Lesley.

Your word are always helpful & comforting, I always seem to let it all build up n blurt it out!
I hope to meet you all one day & then you can give me a proper telling off for not giving myself a break!
I think my hubby, family & even my friends think because Ive always been the one for everyone, that I can handle anything. I don't let them see how it effects me & it just festers inside.
Ive had another Month of stress with my sister n trying to support my Dad & listen. N then hubbys problems on top - just has got to much again.
I keep thinking I need a break, I need sometime to myself - without feeling guilty for doing so. If say sat here n did nothing this afternoon, I would feel guilty because hubbys at work. It sounds daft but I do! I have noticed that Ive not been looking after myself, & Im completely worn out. I know I have to start making an effort on sorting this.
Thank U again Lesley xxxx

[artemischild]

Hay Lyns

Sounds like your going throught the mill a bit at the moment! With so much going on around you with hubbys illness, your IVA and just life in general im not suprised your feeling, low at times nor sleeping.

As lesley said you appear to have a wonderfully support network currently in place which is great and also i found this fourm a great place to be able to let off steam, with people who really understand how it feels etc!

Have you thought about maybe speaking to you GP to see whats avaliable in your area in relation to a bit of extra support for you? even if its a simple group where you can let off steam or even some of the really good evidenced based self help materials thats out there. I found the stuff done by Northumberland NHS trust really helpful for dealing with thoughts, emotions and feelings, just helps to give you another spin on things!

Im more than happy to provide the link for you and others to such stuff

I really do hope you start to feel a little better soon.

Best wishes
Drew
)O(

[Shining]

Lyns you're welcome anytime and it would be so lovely to meet you, your hubby and your boys, all pop and see me whenever you want, don't expect luxury surroundings and we'll get on fine! lol xx

[MrsKnight]

Hi drew
Thank you for your kind words & I would gladly take a look at the links - thank U.
Ive already been to my GP whom knows everything & also treats my hubby & all the family.
Ive had counciling in the past for anxiety & stress & Im currently on anti depressants.
I have a really long history with mental health issues & I know when I need help.
With all the help Ive had over the years, Im actually better at handling things than what I used to be. Im certainly alot stronger & have a great understanding of my illnesses past & present.

Lesley - luxury surrounding?!?! What are them? We are still eating off a Patio plastic table n chairs in the kitchen for the past 18 months!
I have to throw a cloth over it to try n hide it! Bless you n thank you xxxx

[artemischild]

Hay Lyns

Ive started a new topic in this forum with links to some of the things i found really helpful, both in a professional capacity and very much in a personal capicity! (People assume those that work in mental health are immune!!!!)

I like you, following a few years of mental health oprblems, seem to deal with things a lot better now, i know when im starting to feel 'low' for a prolonged period of time instead of the usual just beed bummed off for a bit.

Anywhoodle hope you find it helpful! ohh and just keep chatting........one thing i do advocate massivly for good mental health is connecting with people!! A problem shared and all that ........!

Drew

[Shining]

Well Lyns the offer is there for you hubby and the kiddies to have a weekend away at chez lez! x

[MrsKnight]

Awwww Lesley, I just wana hug ya right now[:)]
What a wonderful, thoughtful generous person you are, with everything going on in your life - u still listen to me waffling on.

Thank you so much for the offer, IF the hubby ever gets anytime off (staff just put 2 wks sick in) & IF my car gets through its MOT in a months time (blooming thing!)[:D] & IF I can trust my car to get me any where! (Ive no faith in it!)[:I] Then I would love to come & visit![:)]

Just a thought, Hubby can get large discounts for "family" (often freebies) where he works for Dinner, Bed n Breakfast, out of season [:)] xxxx

[Shining]

It would be great to meet you and we must arrange something sometime x

[MrsKnight]

U too Lesley xxxx