Never be ashamed of debt, stand up and say stop

[quark2008]

I crapped myself when i finally realised that i was in trouble.My body packed up on me under the stress.Years of living beyond my means,traveling, buying nice things for myself and my friends, i never missed a payment and the creditors said i could have more and more and more, it finally caught up with me.I was the one who said stop.They said they could help and offered me even more money. Because i never missed a payment you see.I was offered loan after loan. On one card i went over my limit, and rang them about it to make a payment of the overdue amount, and they said i wasn't over my limit at all. They'd increased it by £500, without me knowing.I'm kind of reflecting here, debt spiral, was it my fault ? I never missed a payment you see.Every month, direct debits were paid, and i thought i was ok. I went to work, looked after people, saw awful things, was the one to rally the troops around for an after work drink and chill out. Cards and flowers, to those who were in a worse off state than i was, colleagues, who needed lifting up and looking after themselves. Working a night shift and being the one to buy the treats from the 24 hour garage for my workmates. Hmmm, on reflection, in this day and age, what i have done and how i have gotten myself into this state, doesn't really make me feel guilty at all. Or ashamed.With credit in abundance and, let's not forget, i never missed a payment, i've been financed through and through.I got the green light. I don't feel guilty.I spent what was lent, very wisely. It wasn't all for me. Now i have to pay it back, Where i once saw it as some kind of punishment and failure, i do not now. I didn't get myself in to this apparent mess selfishly.I did good with the cash that was lent to me. And when the **** hit the fan and there wasn't enough money left for me, i said stop. I am totally spilling my guts out here, awful and you may think i'm so weird. I don't care, i gained alot of energy from this forum. Never be ashamed of debt, stand up and say stop, never fear, you will not die from debt in reality.I know some have. That's a tragedy. Oh dear god i'm sure i will be chucked off this forum.

[davram1967]

Quark.
You have just summed up how a lot of us have got into this mess. Every time I approached my limit, especially with Barclaycard, they just upped the limit. 18 months ago, I took out a loan and paid off some cards and cleared my overdraft. Now, all cards are over limit and my overdraft is back up to £1500. Our bank approved a loan in my wife's name and she only earns £57.00 a week! I'm not passing the buck here, we spent the money but as you say, it was always there on a plate.

[Maz]

Hi there
Dont feel bad about it, you are not the only one here on this forum with this debt mess! I can relate to exactly what you mean. I was the same with lots of easy loans which were ok if i just stuck with them, BUT it's the Credit cards that got me in real debt with their high charges etc. I had always paid on time until one day when i got my CC bill I realized I could not even meet the minimum payments anymore - that scared me and I knew then I had to do something about it even though I still had plenty of credit left to use. I really think credit card companies should do annual reviews live an IVA on their customers to check out circumstances before increasing the credit. They base credit limit on your income but as we all know circumstances change. I would like to say to everybody that debt is not the end of the world, there is always a solution and i hate to see or hear of people getting ill stressed or ill over it.

Maz

[Soulgrowth]

Quark ... such a familiar story. I was on benefits with four yourng children and working two hours a week for the local adult education centre for the grand sum of £15 a week ... but because I was in a 'salaried' position I was given credit card after credit card ... yes, I know I applied for them ... and I worked out that credit cards supplemented my Income Support income by about £50 a week over the years of bringing up my children on my own ... I really don't know how I would have managed without this ... I am sure that we would have starved ... what I do have to show for it though is four adult children who are all well balanced, working and making their own contributions back to society in very valuable ways.

Don't feel bad for saying how you feel on the Forum ... this can be a very therapeutic and cathartic place.

Debbie

[Rockin Diner]

Hi
I can totally identify with you. We have come to the end of the line after being offered loans and credit for years. No-one ever said no and we have always paid our way. Ten years on we are totally in debt and have finally faced up to it after the last attempt to borrow money secured against the house - which was turned down due to an adverse valuation. If we hadn't been turned down we would have signed up to a loan which was the equivalent of another mortgage for the next 24 years. How mad is that. We have not squandered the money on designer gear or exotic holidays. Like you we have always been the ones to say hey come over to us for a barbie/dinner whatever ... victims of our own generosity really - we lay on nice food and we're always the ones popping down the offy for some more wine ... but for the last year we have been drawing out cash towards the mortgage and juggling finances. We have just got to learn to say no to some things like everyone else does.
Today I have shredded about 5 books of credit card cheques and we are getting our paperwork together for an IVA. The next few weeks will be tense, and we're hoping like mad that we will get accepted. After that I reckon we will have more money to live on than we've had for years. And like alot of other people on this forum we never want to have credit or loans again...
Phew feel better now! I love this forum. Always among friends and no-one judges and above all you realise you are not alone.

[Skippy]

I never missed a payment until the day I realised I was in deep trouble - the interest rate on my Virgin card had gone from 0% to 27.5% and I knew there was no way I could manage. I bought myself nice things (not that I've got much to show for it!) and I bought presents for people because it made me feel good. Every time I got near my credit limits the companies raised them, and I had 2 loans, one for £25k and the other one for £16k. Every time I applied for a loan or card I was honest about what other ones I had but I was still given them.

Don't get me wrong, I borrowed the money and I spent it, I take full responsibility for that. However, the banks and credit card companies were irresponsible for lending it to me.

[getting there]

I believe the financial institutions are to blame for many peoples financial problems, after all every time you apply (or they give you more credit) they know to the penny how much your income and present obligations are costing you. But in this never ending search for larger and larger profits they will keep lending to your utmost limit till your t*ts bleed.
Mind you we can always say no. But........... it's difficult to sometimes realize when you are drowning till you wonder where the bubbles are coming from, then you discover you are in over your head.
I believe someone once said the banks should be more accountable and look deeper into peoples ability to pay, but with ever increasing targets to meet I don't think they really care.
And when you do default they bleat and hound the customer as if it's all their fault. (which to some extent is true).
Oh, isn't hindsight a wonderful thing? ...........wish I had it

[Rockin Diner]

Yes you're right, the banks and CC companies know exactly how much you owe already and they still keep lending it. I agree we spent the money and we're ultimately responsible but the financial companies make their living from lending people money so they're hardly going to say no to a safe bet like us with a decent income. I'm sure there is a backlash coming with the amount of people now applying for an IVA - if we all do it then these greedy companies are going to lose money hand over fist and what happens then? Will they start opposing IVAs?

[kal]

I find it amazing that the banks/credit card co's/loan companies just handed money out left right and centre.
Like many of you we would too max out our credit cards, or spend all the loan and then just go out and get another one.
Although we were in a DMP, I didn't realise the extent of our debts until just before Christmas when we started our IVA journey - when we actually sat down and added it all up, it upset me to think that we had let it get that bad.
We have now faced up to our debts, but I too agree that Creditors are as much to blame as us in the fact that they have our credit history and still hand out yet more money to us.
They should higher the age that you are allowed credit cards - 18 is far too young I think.
k.

[facingittogether]

i too was exactly the same as many others on here, always made payments on time and always the one to say, i will get you a drink, not to be flash but just because i genuinely enjoy giving and seeing others happy!

it eventually caught up with me, i am paying as much back as i can, suppose a lot of us on here are learning the lesson the hard way, but i am no longer beating myself up over being stupid just determined to learn from it and come out the other side someone who can live according to their means and not above it!

barb x

[luluj]

We're in it together and we will support you all the way! Keep positive and focused on the end and it will become a reality and not a dream!

In 51 months time I will be sunning myself on a Cypriot beach somewhere and boy I can't wait and it will be so relaxing and satisfying knowing I owe nothing to anyone and that my holiday is paid for - this being the first month out of an IVA !

[Rockin Diner]

Hi lulu
Yes I can't wait for the day we are finally free! What a lovely feeling to go on holiday or get through Xmas knowing you haven't got the credit card bill to settle afterwards. Trouble was, we never settled the bills ... and always had that s*d it we're on holiday/it's Xmas attitude which has now come back and well and truly bitten us on the bum. Never again.

[size5]

Quark,

For what it is worth, I don't believe you have cause to worry about being chucked off the forum, my own opinion is that your post above should illustrate to those who have not yet confronted their problems the folly in not doing so. You should be congratulated for your honesty and candour, and your endeavours to address the issue.

Irresponsible lending is also an issue of course, but society as a whole conditions us to accept that credit is good, full stop. Look now at the so called credit crunch which is portrayed in the media as a bad thing, full stop.

As with most things, this subject is not black and white and the truth most probably is somewhere in the middle.

I can only speak for myself now, of course, but the worst part of my profession is where you give a client the advice they need, be it IVA, DMP, Trust Deed or whatever and they choose to carry on down the same path as they cannot, for whatever reason, break the cycle. The most heartbreaking thing subsequently is having to speak to them for a second time, typically 6 to 12 months later with the situation being that much worse. In some cases, thankfully rare, no further help can be given and I have to tell them that they have lost everything that they hold dear. Not pleasant, I can assure you, so again you should not beat yourself up too much.

Regards.

[plasticdaft]

Quark,had I read a post like yours 18-24 months ago I would have got my head out of my backside then instead of running up probably £15-18k more debt before opening my eyes to the fact that we were in deep cow dung.
If anyone has read your post who is in a similar situation I am sure it will have had a positive effect on them.
Very rarely can you borrow money to sort out debt problems,it may feel like it for a short while. I know that when we did a consolidation loan 3 years ago,that we have sorted ourselves and wouldnt be so stupid again,but,lets just keep the credit cards we paid off in the cupboard just in case we need then in an emergency!!!
The reason I went into the CAB to discuss my debt was because Lloydstsb had offered us yet another loan to pay off 25k worth of credit card debt,and it made me angry that they could see we were struggling to make anything other than minimum payments yet their method of help was to get us into more debt.

Carry on posting without fear of reprisal Quark.

[size5]

For the interests of balance, I feel I must point out that sometimes borrowing to clear the debt already outstanding IS the right financial option.

Whilst I understand I am preaching to the converted, so to speak, for the majority of posters here, where most people fall down is on looking at comparisons of monthly payments.

E.G, someone paying £800 per month on debts is likely to be very interested in a loan that reduces that to £400. Most people see only the "saving" but if the household budget runs only to £250 then the whole cycle inevitably starts again and you wake up one day and wonder how things ever got so bad. This is where irresponsible lending DOES have a case to answer and the worst case I have seen (so far) on this was a major high st bank consolidating £20000 plus of their own lending (no other lenders) 2 o/d's, 2 c/c's and 2 loans, to a widow of 60 odd on a fixed income. Her payments were originally nearly £900 per month and the new loan was £550 plus. Her total income was only £620 and the worst thing was that the new loan was approved in branch by people who had access to this lady's records so could clearly see that her borrowings were massively unaffordable and that her income could not support it. I had half a mind to tell her to go on Kilroy and get a spokesman from that bank to come on and apologise profusely on national TV for what they would probably term "regrettable system error" but I digress.

In the original example, if the £400 can be afforded, and the original debts, typically cards, not be run up again, then the right advice may well be to go down that route.

Regards.