ive been brave & told my mum & dad.

[kallis3]

Tori you can natter all you like!

Glad you feel better anyway - hope the pie was nice![:D]

[pixie]

Well done Tori, at least it's now out in the open and there's no secrets between you. They'll be a great support to you over the coming years of the iva.

[moretolife]

hi tori...well done fo plucking up the courage to tell your mum and dad....

we were the "mum and dad" several years ago when our daughter and her OH told us their debt situation...they were distraught and embarrassed....but with us being in a similar boat we were able to just "love them" and support them through a DMP...they become debt free end of september this year

the funny thing is...we havent told them we are in an IVA...so the shame and embarrassment affects in both generations doesnt it?!?!?

do you think also we are seeing some kind of genetic link..LOL...two of my three children have been in debt and arent good with money and credit etc...have we passed on some kind of defective gene???...hhmmn....wonder if anyone has done any research into this area

[kallis3]

Funny you should say that tiredoflife. I have two step children who are both in DMP's. They are the only ones outside the house who know about us. My daughter does as well, and I am trying to help her to learn the value of money.

I don't think it's a faulty gene - it's more to do with the society we live in, and the ease with which we can get money to buy those things that a few year ago we could easily have lived without.

[Soulgrowth]

Hi Tori ... well done. I bet that potato pie was one of the nicest you've had.

A parent's love is unconditional.

I shared my debt sitaution with my family (children) at all stages. I never, ever looked on it as shame at being in debt (for there but for the grace of God go many of us) but moreso pride in myself in that I was dealing with it [:)]

Debbie

[moretolife]

soulgrowth...i wish i could have your positive attitude....sadly i still feel deep shame ...despite knowing that i am dealing with this in a responsible manner etc.....

[tori]

well,its 2 day's on i do feel that i definitely made the right decision in confessing my sins! & thank you again for your kind words.im now starting to see my iva as a positive thing & whereas before i was petrified of people finding out,now i feel that i can hold my head up high & feel proud for doing somethin about my problem.a parents love is unconditional but alot of people do look on debt as a 'sin' so i consider myself very lucky,as i know alot of people whose parents wouldnt be so understanding.x[:)]

[flow13]

I haven't told my mom and dad, and my husband has only told his dad and stepmom, but not his mom and stepdad. The reason I haven't told mine is that about 7 years ago my sister declared herself bankrupt and my parents were so upset. I suppose really an IVA isn't as bad as bankrupcy and I am sure that they would support me but I just don't want them to worry about me. They do enough of that without knowing about this. We haven't told Ians mom cos shes a stuck-up little Miss Perfect. ARGH!!!

[tori]

that is totally understandable skintsabins as different people deal with that 'sort of news' in their own way.i cant stand the thought of other people worrying about me as i like to try & sort things out by myself.that is why ive kept my debts a secret for so long.but in hindsight i should've told my parents years ago then i prob wouldnt have had to go down the iva route !! cant keep dwelling on the past though.[:)] [:)]

[tori]

oh ladyh that is heartbreaking to read,im fillin up here.i find it so difficult to understand how some parents can be that way towards their children.my partners daughter whom none of our family were allowed to see for 7yrs was literally 'dumped' on us by her mother when she was 10yrs old,basically because she was fed up of looking after her.since then she has made no contact with her whatsoever.it is beyond all belief how a parent can be like that with a child,so i can totally sympathise with you.[:(]xx

[Viki.W]

Ladyh, you turned out great![:)]

[tori]

and ladyh,you sound so strong and positive about it just like my stepdaughter.she is 14 now and has accepted the fact that her mum doesnt want anything to do with her.obviously it has been hard but she is strong and has lots of other people in her life who love her very much,as im sure you do.it really does break my heart to read about things like that,and i admire you for being able to talk about it.x

[Skippy]

My mum was great when I told her I was going BR - she said 'don't worry, everyone's doing it!' I think my uncle was disappointed in me, not because I was in debt, but because I hadn't talked to him sooner. He's very good with money, and if I hadn't left it as long he would have been able to help me budget properly and not have got into the mess in the first place.

I'm glad your parents were so supportive Tori, and I hope you enjoyed the potato pie!

[tori]

thanx skippy,yeah my pie was lovely,great comfort food ! both my mum n dad said the same as your mum that there are people going bankrupt every single day & that there isnt a stigma attached to it like there used to be.i have to say that since ive told them even the thought of bankruptcy doesnt seem as scary as it used to (apart from the name & shame bit ! ) my mum has a friend who recently had to go br & she tells everyone that she meets,and says that its the best thing she ever did ! shes very brave.x[:)]

[Viki.W]

Ladyh, You're an incredible person, I'm so glad you're my friend.[:)] I know it won't change anything but it wasn't your fault, these horrible things just happen for no reason. X