I fear our children will be taken from us. Life does not seem worth it anymore.

[abbiesmum2003]

please dont let this destroy your marriage and family. You obviously care very much for them as worrying so much but dont let it get out of control and screw everything up. Your worrying about kids and house but the kids need their mummy and daddy. Yes youve got debts but youve found this and you are going to be ok! Meep some composure and remain in control. I did alot of this without hubby as he didnt really understand it all! But he is so relieved. Was very embarrassed we had got in this situation but can now see we are on the path to be free from it all. Its gonna be tough living on tight budget and kids will get less at xmas but for years theyve had too much! Ive got my baby daughter and my 4 year old in bed with me right now and i know i can now give them a better live than i could in our previous situation of living on CC. You will get out of this. Give Mel a call if only to talk it all through with a professional and share the burden. Try not to let this wreck your marriage if its otherwise a strong partnership. Try and enjoy your weekend

[Foggy]

Apologies .. in an earlier post I said "Melanie Giles of McCambridge Duffy" .... as Mel, rightly pointed out, I did mean "or".

However, it WOULD be a force to be reckoned with, wouldn't it ?

[Ox1987]

How do you call her I am now desperately worried should I start the DMP off , I was going to cash the 10k today and pay down some of the high interest debts down but not sure

[abbiesmum2003]

Her contact details can be found at bottom of her forum posts and also on www.iva.com website where you will also find reviews from customers for her and all other IPs. Worth a visit. I personally wouldnt do anything until spoken to someone. Can you try and relax about it for the weekend and enjoy time with family? It sounds like this is completely overwhelming you. Cant really do a great deal at the weekend. Then crack on with a finding a solution on Monday and use it as a fresh start. This early stage is hard trying to get the right decision and plan but once start ball rolling and you find someone who can give you a picture you will be so relieved. Honestly just sit tight until spoken to a IP who will be able to give you the possible options for your own circumstances.

[Foggy]

Ox -- as Abbiesmum says, the link is at the bottom of her posts. Mel works at all hours so she will get back to you fairly quickly. Don't jump out of the frying pan into the fire and take advice before doing anything.

[abbiesmum2003]

thank you foggy! thats what im trying to say!!!

[josu]

My IVA is the best thing i have ever done. I was expecting my first child when we started ours, we have a mortgage and were both working full time. i was just about to start maternity leave and my husbands wage is about 1/3 of yours and our debts were higher! I wanted to protect our home and didnt want to go bankrupt as i felt too ashamed in all honesty. I felt an IVA was the best way to make up for what we had done and the mess we had made. We have nine payments left, the baby i was expecting is now at school and we had another during the IVA. We have had to live carefully and it has not been easy but we have learnt so much and i have never felt self pity as we are paying back debts for money we spent, which ever way you look at it. I have just felt relief. Of all the things that can happen to us in life, tragic awful things, debt is not something that you should allow to ruin your life, your family or your marriage, it is only money at the end of the day. Yes its important and yes it needs sorting but your families health and happiness are more important. I had not discovered this forum when i went into my IVA so you are in a good place to start with, my advice to you, speak to Melanie as soon as possible!!!

[recovering]

I understand your fear, I was petrified but once you have spoken to Mel ( if that's who you choose) you will feel some of the control is returning! I have told No-one so this forum is keeping me sane, if you read through the threads you can see peoples circumstances change throught their IVAs and they find a way through with the help of their firms. I have big changes this year in my job the uncertainty is really hard but i'm banking on this forum and Mel to help me deal with it if and when! I emailed Mel first as I couldn't speak about it through shame so try that if it's easier. Hope you do and feel a bit better soon

[lem]

Hi ox, I' don't have a lot else to add than has already been said apart from take the plunge and speak to someone like Melanie Giles or Michael people's, seriously, oh and don't do anything with that 10k yet. The reason I say this? We could not go bankrupt because of my husbands job, we have over £1k less income than you a month, the same mortgage as you though and ended up with a debt level of 57k, we also have 2 children. We had 10k in savings that I foolishly used to try and stem the tide, and paid down a few of our debts before we realised we couldn't keep it up. We had never defaulted or missed a payment on anything in the past and it was such a scary time having to admit we finally needed help to address the problem.

Now we are 2 years into an iva, my only regret is spending that £10k as we could have probably used that to offer as a f&f iva and be done with it rather than being shackled to 5 years of payments and scrutiny, however, at least we have an end point, we have found that we actually have more money in our pockets now each month to make sure all our bills are catered for, any unforeseen things that crop up, as they do in real life!, are dealt with easily as I have a cracking IP (Mel) who understands and helps you work out a solution. I know with Mel on our side we can get through to the end.

Now it may be that with your level of debt, income and outgoings an iva may not be a solution, but the again it might, you really need to speak to a couple of IP's to discuss the options available to you instead of feeling like a rabbit in headlights as you do now and can only see a future of poverty and stress, it doesn't have to be like that.

You may be able to use that £10k to close your debts, try to keep a level head and speak to someone to talk through your options, but most importantly, stop panicking! You won't lose your kids or your house or your job, life will continue and whatever lies ahead, you will get through it!

[abbiesmum2003]

Hi Ox i hope after reading the replys to your thread that you are realising you are not in a dead end place of no return. There is a light you just need to make contact with people who can help you. Go for it. Let is know how you get on. I imagine Mel is waiting your call or email! Dont be surprised if shes on here at 3am replying to this! Talk to your mrs. Sot down together (if thats possible with the children!) and go through your bills/commitments (ignore payments to creditors but just work out your essentials) you then have a real opportunity to work out your budget. An IP can help you from there. Dont leave anything out. Advice given to me a few months ago was if you get it right from the start you will be absolutely fine. Keep in touch. Deep breath and tell yourself you will get through this

[Ox1987]

I have just spoken to Tina at Mel's she was wonderful. The thought of being debt free may be a reality I have a few reservations still but an F&F seems doable and if the can wind up my ltd co to access more funds even better. My reservations are around my career and will it really affect it, the one i am at now did do a credit check and i had to answer had i been BR or IVA i answered no which at the time was true but still would i have to tell them.
Also the car lease worries me as would they take back the car and charge me for the rest of the rental I have heard they can do this. plus then i would be without a car doh anyway i will check back on later but think i need to get someone to talk to the wife as its always me getting the advice and then relaying second hand I am also trying to weigh up the comparisons with going on a dml (and a long one at that)

[lem]

Tina is fantastic Ox, she helped me through a lot of dark times in the days leading up to my IVA approval.

Have you read the car lease documents carefully? if you are absolutely 100% sure that they will do this (and it may be worthwhile phoning them and asking) then if you do decide to go down the IVA route, it may be worth handing the car back now and putting the remaining debt into the IVA then you won't be saddled with it afterwards.

[orange]

hy an iva is difficult but we had a baby during ours and she is now 6,she never noticed or went with out we never got her gifts for christmas or birthday she always had party she was ruined by other family and friends ,we had hardley nothing in our iva and we did struggle at times ,looking back we had £30 for the month spending money wasnt realistic when now we struggle on £30 a week ! i think iva was our only answer and even though we couldnt truly afford it there was nothing else ? we hated the reviews and dreaded the reports ,they were of little support to us really ,and they wernt interested when i was pregnant saying you have to continue paying other wise it will fail ,i wish we had found melaine she is very supportive on this site good luck and bless the kids x

[Ox1987]

One question lem how did you cope with the damage to the credit rating and what happens when you try get your rate fixed on a mortgage after a fixed term mine is about to be fixed for 5 years

I am starting to lean towards this being the best idea for me rather than the DMP that could last 10 years

The main points i really have now are as above ad also the impact on my job and car

[lem]

Hi Ox, well I was previously obsessed with trying to keep an immaculate credit rating, so much so that I ended up staying in a job I hated for a few years to keep enough income coming in so we could pay everything, but it came to a head as I knew I was heading for a meltdown working for a bully of a boss and ended up going back into nursing which meant a 50% pay cut and no way of meeting our debt repayments in full anymore.

But you know what, I couldn't care less about my credit rating now, creditors constantly try to bully us all into thinking having a perfect credit rating is the be all and end all, but it really isn't, I still have a normal bank account with a cheque book, yes I don't have access to credit but its no bad thing.

We fixed our mortgage for 2 years at the beginning of the iva and its just come up for renewal and we fixed it again for another 3 and have had no problems with our lender being able to do that. So in all honesty having a crap credit rating really hasn't affected my life at all so far. Getting debt free is the trade off and I know that we'll be able to repair our credit rating in time, rather than being in debt forever, what's the point? So many people in the uk are in massive amounts of debt but won't do anything about it as they want to preserve their credit rating, they'll most likely never repay their debt unless they take drastic action, what's the point in living under a cloud of debt forever hyst to preserve something that really doesn't affect your everyday life?