Hibernating for the winter.

[quark2008]

I'm going underground, just like Paul Weller sang or deeper as Jamiroquai did. My heart is getting weaker which is a right bitch.My legs are blue from the knees down.I'm tired, bored, and somewhat ready to start begging for surgery, no matter what. So....... by the time I resurface, I expect to be able to post a brand new "ME" post. I'm in great spirits otherwise, of course worried, though not completely miserable.A bit of mind over matter, and never giving in, disease wise or otherwise.I'm bored with cathartic, I hate not being able to look gorgeous in flip flops. Nuff said, Caesar Salad and Granary bread for tea. Lush.

[kallis3]

Nice to see you Quark but not good that you're worse than ever.

Have you any idea when they will do the operation? I'd be begging now rather than waiting!!!!!!!!!!

I hope all goes well and that you come back on here the old bouncy Quark we know and love.

[quark2008]

Bouncy ? What like big boobs bouncy ? LOL. I'm going for another appt on Wednesday, where I shall totally act up and cry my eyes out, and just be totally honest with them Jan.I hate the fact that I whine on so much, and paint a prettier picture than there is at the same time. It's so contrary, though totally based on fear. There's no point in saying I'm doing okay when all one has to do is look at my once outstanding and rather sexy footballers legs. I used to get them out upon demand and allow people to stroke and dribble over them, LOL. Now they look like a side of ham. Grrrrrr, my lallies were awesome.

[kallis3]

[:D][:D]

I meant your happy smiley personality!!!

Have you any idea when they are likely to operate? What is stopping them?

[quark2008]

My blood pressure and atrial fibrillation, and probably my state of mind, I was told from the outset that surgery would be risky due to being on bypass for such a long time.I keep telling them I'm fine, because they told me it's so risky. And I do not want to be seen as malingering. I have a right old pile of drugs here that I can take at home in any emergency, rather than call for an ambulance. I prefer this, as I do not have to wait for anything.It's only if they don't work, or if I am in any serious difficulty.I know exactly when to call a hurry up wagon or not. My limit is if I vomit due to pain, or bubble with fluid on my lungs. My rather point percy at my own porcelain than have a catheter in. Typical stubborn nurse, I'm afraid. We are the worst, take leave of our senses as soon as we have even a whiff of the trots coming on.

[quark2008]

The worst thing that could have ever happened to me over the last four years, is the apparent loss of control over my life, and the disastrous attempts I have made at regaining it. As soon as I lost control, half of me went, and it turned into The Jeremy Kyle Show. Someone up there is now showing me who's boss, no matter how dramatic, feeble, epic and somewhat extra I can be. I have read some of my old posts, and they make me cringe.

[kallis3]

I do hope you get sorted soon Quark, this has been going on for such a long time now. All operations are risky (and I've had a few in my time!) My husband has had one triple and one quadruple bypass, a couple of hernia ops and has COPD as well as angina now and he's still going at the moment!!!!

I think I'd be insisting that it was done now so I could get back to normal.

[quark2008]

Yeah, I shall be insisting alright. Just remembered though, these whole series of events started with me being offered a University place, thus a huge drop in salary and inability to furnish my financial commitments due to accepting. All was fine before then.I jumped at the chance as anyone would.No guilt. I wish you and your hubby well. Who knows ? I could still be a Uni student at the age of 40 !!!!!

[kallis3]

No problem with doing that Quark - there's Uni students a lot older than you!!!

In one way I suppose it did you a favour as you found out about your health problems sooner rather than later.

Thank you for your good wishes - dare I ask how the BR application is going?

[quark2008]

It's all done, just saving for the fees.

[kallis3]

Hope you can get that out of the way quickly - be a weight off your shoulders.

[Skippy]

It's good to hear from you Quark but I'm sorry your health is getting worse. I hope you have some good news on Wednesday - let us know won't you? Take care x

[Shining]

Sorry to read about your health worsening Quark. All the best for Wednesday. Take care x