I got my family into over £100k of debt and at times could of easily walked onto a set of train tracks so I know how bad you must feel, but contrary to advice to my Wife from her mum and dad that she should divorce me, she has stayed by my side and is very supportive.
Things will improve soashamed.
Last edited by Pennyless on Sat Oct 17, 2009 1:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.
I came into this world with nothing and still have most of it left!
Could you perhaps try and have a word with his brothe, and tell him how worried you are not just about the situation but about your hubbie's reaction to it. Sometimes a go-between is needed in these circumstances.
I can live with feeling bad as hard as it is - I am just so worried about him. I don't know whether to text him and tell him to come home - he will make himself ill at this rate
I considered the train tracks too, amongst other things - I haven't been very well (probably all this causing it) and was even hoping the hospital tests showed up something awful, so my critical illness cover would pay out.
I'm worried he will kill himself or something as well. It took so much to pick him up from his divorce and now he is back down there again.
I have sent him a text asking if he is with his brother as I am worried about him - I also said that I realise he needs space, but that he needs to be armed with the facts so that he knows this can be sorted out and that our home will be safe
I am too scared to approach his brother just yet, but will try to pluck up the courage
Thanks again everyone - what a way for you all to spend your weekend - counselling a stupid fool like me
You're not a stupid fool soashamed, you've taken your head out of the sand and are doing something about the problem so you can be proud of yourself for that.
I can remember thinking I was a failure and that I'd let everyone down, but that passed in time once I'd done something about the situation.
soashamed lets get this into proportion....you are in debt. This is exactly the same as many of us and I doubt that theres many that dont share the exact same feelings at one stage or another to eachother.
Your main aim now is to repair the problem you have caused.....yes it's a lengthy process but its not impossible and this "blip" will in the bigger scheme of your entire life, be exactly that...a "blip".
Ask yourself honestly what would your husband rather have.....you and your current debt OR no debt and no Wife? I bet its not the latter.
We all feel sorry for ourselves at times and get mad with our partners and family but as my Mum god rest her has told me when I hacked her off in the past...."I love you Son but at this moment in time I just dont like you".
I came into this world with nothing and still have most of it left!
I hope its not the latter, but could see why he might come to that conclusion.
He replied to my text which is a start. I can't do any more than I am laready to try and sort this, but I do have to give him some time to get his head around it all.
Surely you didn't spend all of this money on just yourself? I am sure that he has benefitted from the debts in some way, and therefore must share some of the responsibility for dealing with the issue.
Hmm - well - I used my cards when I wasn't earning much to make sure the mortgage etc was paid (my share), so he had no idea - yes he benefitted in the sense that the house hasn't been reposessed, but he had no idea what was going on - its not like I was buying him presents or anything. When I told him he did ask me why I hadn't told him I was skint and said we could have muddled through it together. Of course I was trying to protect him which stupidly I have ended up doing the opposite.
I am sure (I hope) when he has got his head around it he will rally round and do his bit - he's not a selfish man and will probably feel better himself once he is ready to talk to me and I can tell him the way forward.
Yes hindsight is a great thing which we could all benefit from in a perfect world - and of course you would have both done things differently now looking back - but he does need to open his eyes and wonder why he didn't ask more questions as to where the money was coming from when you were out of work.
Soashamed, do you have any family of your own nearby? A change of scenery and a cuppa would do you good. Have you had anything to eat today? Please do try and look after yourself, you wouldnt expect a car to run without fuel and neither can you. If your husband is anything like mine, no matter how upset or drunk he is, he wont have forgetten his belly, he probably has eaten.
I keep popping on forum and I am thinking about you, I'm sure it won't be long before you sit down and thrash this out and hopefully then he'll see you're doing what you can to address the situation head on.
IVA final payment left the bank on the 26th January 2013...looking forward to a debt free future.
I have had zillions of cups of tea and coffee and a bag of crisps. And far too many cigarettes. My sister lives up the road, but as much as it pains me to say it, I don't trust her enough to not tell her hubby who will blab to the whole world. My friend is also lovely, but a bit of a blabbermouth - while she has her own money problems and is on a DMP she owes far less than me and her hubby was always aware of what was happening - I'm not sure she could keep this to herself to be honest. I can't think of anyone local I trust enough to tell
Hubby has come home and had half a sandwich! At least he is here even if he is cross. I will go and try and eat some toast and then maybe see if we can talk
