Soashamed.........at this stage dont worry too much about the IVA....leave that to Melanie and the team, you are in the best of hands as many have and will, continue to assure you. You just concentrate on rebuilding the bridges with your husband.
It will take time to regain his trust and as you say he has no one to discuss this with or get it off his chest, therefore at this time, like you are enjoying our support....you need to support him, which I am sure you will be doing.
Unfortunately it appears at the moment you will have to remain strong for both of you until he gets his head around things....but you seem the type of person that will do it. Good luck.
I came into this world with nothing and still have most of it left!
I know it's going to be rough intially, but you're moving in the right direction now. I hope that your husband feels ready to deal with this now and that you can work through this supporting each other.
We're here for you - keep posting.
Kind regards,
Angela Rosler
Insolvency Manager
Helping people with their debt problems for nearly 10 years.
Contact me directly for free, impartial, confidential help and guidance.
You will get over it.....leave the "how" to Melanie and her team......its what they do best.
You are not the only one of us that cant believe we got into this mess but unfortunately we do. As I've said earlier we dont always do things for the wrong reasons and thats the hardest thing for our other halfs to comprehend.
Last edited by Pennyless on Sat Oct 17, 2009 10:34 am, edited 1 time in total.
I came into this world with nothing and still have most of it left!
he has got up - says he doesn't know what to say - he doesn't feel safe in his home as he doesn't even know if he's got a home anymore. H ehas told his brother so at least he has spoken to someone - his brother apparently told him it wasn't worth losing his marriage over this - he started crying then and has gone out to get the paper - perhaps we will make a little bit of progress today - I hope so
Thank you everyone - I couldn't do without you at the m oment
At least he has spoken to his brother, and it sounds as though he has given him some good advice. You obviously love each other very much, and as Pennyless says only people you love can hurt you that deeply.
When he has had a bit more time to come to terms with things try and persuade him to speak to Melanie so that she can explain to him exactly what is happening. Melanie is lovely and I'm sure she'll be able to reassure him.
Morning soashamed, it sounds like he's fearing he worst, you need to put his mind at rest, I dont think many people lose their homes as a result of debt nowadays, there are simply thousands & thousands of people in debt, it wouldnt do to have all these people without a home. I dont know, but I'm sure people on here can re-assure you (and your husband) that nobody is going to take that away from you! Also, we felt scared about our IVA not being accepted, and it wasnt, but only because it wasnt the best route for us to take. We are now looking to go on a Debt Management Plan, which means we can make one affordable payment each month. It does sound as if you are in good hands so please take comfort from that and concentrate on making hubby see this actually isnt the end of the world, it WILL get sorted and nobody is going to take your home away.
Right now your hubby is looking for reasons and reassurance that his little world is not going to be disturbed by the realisation of your situation. You have to tell him that it is not, and that you have made the first move towards securing a much sounder financial future for you all which is not going to affect your home - in fact it is going to protect your home from the clutches of greedy creditors.
If he only knew how upset he was making you, he would be ashamed and mortified - but right now he is reacting in the only way he knows how and he does need to get that out of his system by himself. When he feels ready to deal with the matter, try and show him this thread so he can begin to understand what you are going through right now.
And we will be all here for you right through the weekend - so chat away as much as you like. My husband is going to the rugby today with his friends, so I am a rugby widow all day and he will probably be coming home in the same state as yours did last night!!!
Chin up girl. You are made of stronger stuff than this and right now you need to have the strength of two people to get through this temporary blip on the landscape and look to the horizon with courgage and determination.
Thank you Melanie - I am just so worried to tell him it will all be ok - what happens if the IVA doesn't get accepted? Then we'll lose the house won't we?
I am sure that you would not - and 99% of my IVAs do get accepted, but obviously until I have reviewed your case I cannot confirm this 100%. The actual number of people who actually lose their homes as a result of insolvencies is miniscule - and generally relates more to those you won't pay rather than can't.
OK - well that has to be a good sign doesn't it? Please don't think I don't have faith in you Melanie - I totally do - which is why I chose your company - I am in such a muddle and so stressed out I can't think straight.
I've hurt the most lovely kind hearted man so badly he can't even look at me, never mind talk to me - and I am so worried he will make hinself ill - he's still out and probably in the pub again. I'm so afraid he will come home and want to divorce me - not that I would blame him.
I need to get him home to try and talk to me but he won't answer his phone - so sorry everyone for going on and on - I have no one else to talk to - I can't bring myself to tell anyone local and can't keep burdening my friend (who lives miles away) - she's been fantastic already, but she does have her own life - especially at the weekends
Hi, just read this thread and all I can say is my heart goes out to you both, your husband will eventually realise that you did the best thing by telling him of your troubles.
Do not feel ashamed as there are many thousands like yourself (including me) everyday ordinary decent people with financial problems.
As for having Melanie as your IP, all I can say is that since I have been using this great forum, Melanie and her team come very highly recommended, Melanie has credentials that are gilt edged and will do all she possibly can to assist you in doing the right thing.
May be worth letting your husband read some of the comments on this forum, it may enlighten him a little and maybe help him not to feel ashamed about the situation you find yourselves in.
Thanks banjoplayer - I will try to get him to read all this, but he's not very receptive to anything I say at the moment (understandably, plus he isn't here!
We have to get some dialogue going this weekend as his kids come on a monday night and we can't have this atmosphere while they are here.
I hope he doesn't drink too much today - he hasn't eaten still and must have a massive hangover already from last night - I can only hope his brother is with him - and keeping an eye on him.
soashamed your husbands brother seems to have the right idea suggesting to your husband that, quite rightly, its not worth losing his marriage over and I would assume that he will still be advising him the same, where doubt exists in your husbands mind.
What you have to realise is that however bad you feel at this time, your husband will want to make you feel worse, unfortunately its in our nature as men as we actually rarely get the upper hand....so any excuse (and dont get me wrong this is a major one), is blown out of all proportion.
Allow him time to get his head round things and just stay strong. Just remember we men can do the "picture but no sound" just as well as you women:-)
PS: I best not let my wife see this post!
Last edited by Pennyless on Sat Oct 17, 2009 1:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.
I came into this world with nothing and still have most of it left!
