I can understand your hubby's shock soashamed, and it must a difficult time for both of you, but try and keep things in perspective, you havent had an affair or murdered anyone. The fact that he's gone out is a good thing, guys deal with things in the pub dont they but dont let him wallow in this for too long, you feel as badly as he does, if not worse. Remind him that YOU need HIM right now. Even though you feel utter despair at the moment, it will get sorted, and he will get over it
minime - again, thanks - this forum has saved me today. I hope things move forward for you soon and you get the outcome you want
Enjoy your weekend - when I am braver I will post more about my situation - all I can say at this point is that I have 2 stepdaughters in the mix who I love dearly (they don't live with us) and I don't want it to impact on them either
Mrs Moody (gosh that's me!) and Country girl - thank you both - I completley understand what you are both saying. I think when the time is right I will print all this off for him to read.
Thanks for telling me your stories - somehow it helps to know I am not the only one who has got into this mess - I can only hope that my IVA is accepted - else this will snowball and I am a good 6 weeks away from knowing the outcome.
Hi
You are very welcome. The next few weeks will be tough, try not to let the creditors get to you. I wrote my husband a letter after I had told him. That may help.
and stop drinking wine will probably help. Hopefully hubby comes home tonight - I am worried about him. He's a lovely man who doesn't deserve any of this.
Your dad was right, tomorrow is another day, and things will seem brighter in the morning. Go to bed, leave your man a note, tell him you could do with a cuddle. Dont you always find that no matter how horrid things feel at the the time, you always look back some time later and think 'it wasnt that bad'? Life throws things at everyone from time to time, but it will all come out in the wash and you're on the right track now
You'll be fine, it will all come out in the wash and your hubby still loves you, even though he's reeling at the mo. At the end of the day we could be sitting on a rubbish dump in India foraging for food or in a shanty town somewhere in Africa. I bless my lucky stars I was born in the UK and we have the protection we have xxx
7 year IVA completed in December 2016 - there is light at the end of that tunnel
I had nothing to show for my £65k of debt apart from my car. I had no designer clothes, we didn't have flash holidays and even the car was only a Corsa.
I felt as though I'd let everyone down, and the on the day I decided I had to tell my OH I drove home from work crying my eyes out, thinking that maybe I should just drive my car into a wall and then no-one would have to worry any more.
I had no idea of how he would react, whether he would throw me out (the flat was in his name), lose his temper or go silent on me. He had been hurt before, and it had taken a long time for him to trust me and there I was landing him with a bombshell - 'Hi darling, what sort of day have you had? Oh by the way I'm £65k in debt and I can't repay it.'
After the initial shock I can honestly say that we are now stronger and much more open with each other - he told me at the weekend that he owes some money on a couple of credit cards (not a great deal but enough) and we actually sat down and worked out what to do.
Good luck to you both, I hope over the course of the weekend you can talk about things and find some answers xxx
We were in a DMP and I foolishly ran up more debt on two credit cards (for emergency use only!) I used to withdraw money from the hole in the wall and then go into the bank and pay it back as my minimum payment. Of course it gets to the point when you can't do that anymore and the calls start.
Mine came to a head on my birthday, I had fobbed Barclays off during the day and then Lombard Direct phoned and I couldn't hide it from hubby any longer. He does not enjoy the best of health, having heart problems, so you can imagine what this did to him. Brilliant birthday that was!
We sat down and talked about it the following day, got Christmas out of the way and started on the road to our IVA.
I can honestly say that we are much stronger now, have no secrets and our finances are all out in the open.
I am sure everything will be ok.
Sharing from experiences of dealing with debt
The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively.
Bob Marley. http://kallis3.blogs.iva.co.uk
So sorry to hear that your partner is being a little unsupportive. He sounds a little like my husband, moody, deep and uncommunicative at times - but rest assured that once he gets his head around the problems, puts things into perspective and gets things right in his own mind - he will be your biggest supporter.
I have had so many clients experience the emotional turmoil you are both going through right now, and if it helps I would be very happy to speak to him at any time over the weekend to explain things to him calmly and quietly.
Do make yourself eat, and get an early night as the last thing he needs right now is a poorly partner. I hope to speak to you personally very soon.
but dont let him wallow in this for too long, you feel as badly as he does, if not worse. Remind him that YOU need HIM right now. Even though you feel utter despair at the moment, it will get sorted, and he will get over it 
