We have been asked out on a good few occassions now and we have always declined, im sure our friends are wondering what the hell is wrong with us that we always refuse to go out or to go away on trips with them, also the family (in laws) wanted everyone to go away on a family holiday and although we told them we couldnt afford it this year they seem baffled as to why, we have no kids we both have jobs so they are wondering why we cant go!! I dont feel like i can confide in anybody about my IVA as i still feel a bit ashamed that im in this situation in the first place.
I know the first year is nearly over for us but im still feeling pretty crap about everything, its just so hard not being able to do all the nice things and of course i wouldnt want to go back to putting everything on a credit card but im just feeling a bit down about it all again.
I do understand and sympathise Kitty!, we are in a similar position to you, a few months into our IVA and no one in our family or friends knows, there is no way we would tell them either, my dad is disappointed in me enough as it is without him knowing about this, but that's another story.
I fortunately haven't had anyone asking questions yet as to why we are being so frugal, but I am sure it will come, christmas is worrying me already, but maybe see if you could try and save a little from some of your allowances to enjoy the odd treat or night out with your family now and again, being in an IVA is hard trying to stick to your budget but it shouldn't be a prison sentence!
Thanks lem, christmas is also worrying me already too, i was in IVA last christmas we got through it but it was hard going, anyways I just keep telling myself one year is over already and to be honest it has gone it quite fast, I know we shouldnt be wishing our lives away but i am just hoping the next 4 years go in just as fast.
we weren't in an IVA last christmas but we had stopped using credit at the end of November but had paid all our creditor committments so had no spare cash for christmas and could not use any credit to fund it either so we really did have to cut back! as we do have 2 kids I was very worried how they would react come christmas day but do you know what? granted they didn't get a lot but they were so happy with what they did have and we still enjoyed the time as a family together that they really didn't feel they were missing out.
At the end of the day, you don't need to answer to your family and friends on how you spend your money, you could always tell them you are just saving hard for your future now and don't want to spend so much
I had exactly the same problems as you with regard to feeling too embarrassed to tell anyone about the IVA or money problems then feeling awful when I couldn't commit to expensive nights out, social occasions, holidays etc. It does get easier though with time. Before I started my IVA I was clueless with money and was living well beyond my means, it was a hard adjustment period not being able to have the nice things to which I became accustomed. I am now finishing my IVA though and am used to being more frugal.
Have you thought of telling friends and family that due to the recession you are finding times hard? There is nothing shameful about saying that you are focusing on paying back a few debts because of the economic times, and at the same time you are not lying, you are focusing on paying back debts. You dont have to tell anyone about the IVA and I am sure many people these days are concentrating on reducing debt.
Have you thought of suggesting things like nights in with family and friends as this will reduce costs rather than going to restaurants. It is all the rage with 'come dine with me' these days to cook at home. The online vouchers you get for restaurants and loyalty points at supermarkets etc can go a long way to affording luxuries such as family days out.
You have to stay positive. Adjusting to a reduced budget is so hard in the first days but by the end of your IVA you will be used to living in a financially sound way.
One of the good things to come out of the economic downturn is that it is that the stigma of having a few financial troubles is going away. Lots of people are tightening their belts, its nothing to be ashamed of. But yes I know it gets you down!
Matty
"Just when you think that you can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends."
One thing you have to remember though is just how much debt other people are in to fund their lifestyles, although no one knows about our IVA and when you are in an IVA sometimes you feel like you are the only person in the world who is in debt and can't manage, there are thousands out there who are struggling with crippling debts day to day, month to month and relying on credit constantly to get them through the month, loads of people I talk to at work and my hubby at his work, it starts to come out how desperate they are, yes they are all still planning holidays and nights out etc, but they are all having to use credit to fund it and are locked in that cycle we all were only a short time ago.
At least now, we can see an endpoint to our debt problems, yes it means missing out on some nice holidays, trips out etc for the next few years but at least then we will be debtfree, no longer shackled to our creditors and can start to enjoy our lives again
hiya kitty,
i am a single mum, and no one not family or friends know about my iva, it has been noticed by my parents that i dont spend as much as i used to.
i just told them with interest rates being so high, that i have cut up my credit cards, and am concentrating on paying them off and therefor will be living on quite a tight budget for a while.
although sometimes i have a sneaky suspician that they know something is not right, i have two dogs and i have down graded their brand of dried food slightly, the other week my dad bought me a full sack of dog food for them, telling me he saw it on offer and thought it might be a little help.
i would never tell my work colleagues, even though i know from conversations we have at work, many of them are drowning in debt, they manage to fool themselves things are ok, and i believe even though some i would consider as friends they may still be judgemental.
when there are nights out i just say i am stuck for a babysitter, to be honest these days even if i had that sort of money i would begrudge spending between £50-£80 on one evening out.
kat
IVA accepted 6th May 2011, Full and Final accepted 17th April 2012.
mattyboy - welcome to the forum and your first post is a very supportive one that I am sure others can take alot from !
Kitty33 - why not tell your friends and relatives that you cannot afford it as you are trying to put away some money for your future and have something to fall back on. It isn't a lie as you are paying off your debts, which in four years time will allow you to move forwards.
We spent best part of four years not doing anything other than staying at home or going to stay with friends....the difference I guess is we told our closest relatives and friends so that they did not keep asking....but everyone is different on how they think people will react.
My mum was the scariest person I had to tell - a woman who thinks she has no money in her current account unless she has £2000 in credit in it lol ! But when we did tell her and after the initial shock - she was sos so supportive !
Our IVA is now over and it has almost been 9 months since our last payment - she still asks every month or so if we are being good ! If I don't call her for a few days she rings as she thinks we may be going wayward again - but we are not - in fact we are living life still on the IVA budget albeit with a healthier bank balance to fall back on and the ability to have or to replace things without having to wonder where the money is coming from !
stay positive !
Sharing from experiences of dealing with debt
There is a solution for everyone .... Just need to stay positive !
Thank you all so much for your replies, they have made me feel so much better, although Im struggling now with things at least I know that in four years time as you say lem there is an endpoint to our debt problems and we will be able to plan holidays and nights out all from our own money and not from credit
family and friends hloidays and nights out are difficult ,everyone thinks im unsocial ,we plan hols and trips in advance and allocate money for it and the petrol too.Been in an iva is difficult and stressful and test your comitment ! but despite the weeks without much money i can mostly say was worth it good luck
I know it must be really tough when you can't tell your family and friends, some of ours know as I decided to tell them, certainly the ones that invite us to stuff as I made the decision that it's easier that they know but totally understand you not wanting people to know, it is horrible!
Well maybe you should say something along the lines of, well we've been rethinking our life a lot lately and we don't want to spend money we haven't got on credit cards and stuff so we can't always do the things we used to. People will scoff perhaps but that's up to them, it's your life and after all that IS what you are doing, you're just having it regulated within a formal agreement.
I also agree that all these people are probably funding stuff on credit cards and I assume you never want to go back there again, I know I don't!
It is tough but it's certainly the best option for us all.
"It is never too late to be what you might have been"
Fiona
I'm very fortunate in being able to turn down any pub outings and Christmas party from work as I've never been to any since moving so they know I'm anti social!
My daughter and her fiance know as do my stepkids but that's it. My parents would kill me! I just tell them that we can't afford things as everything has gone up.
Kitty - why no try doing some online surveys in order to earn vouchers - it's what I do and I use them for Christmas.
Sharing from experiences of dealing with debt
The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively.
Bob Marley. http://kallis3.blogs.iva.co.uk
