Find out who your friends are and laugh

[ashbash]

When I first hit the financial buffers I couldn't believe the stress levels I experienced, and the lack of clear thinking that came with it. As a mental health nurse I know that stress and high emotions make us stupid (all to do with closing down higher thinking areas of the brain in fight or flight mode), and the feelings of failure and shame were very deep.

However, what did comfort me was the realisation that almost everyone I knew was supportive and often not far off the same trouble themselves, or had been in it too. My debts of £108000 seemed (and was) shocking, but others had more, plus massive mortgages , and the world hadnt ended.

Getting things into perspective with family and friends really helped, as did some warped humour...kind friends offered to buy me a dog and scout out suitable doorways to 'enhance the begging experience', and others offered to road test old cars to see which would be best to sleep in and which lay-by had the least noise from passing traffic in the wee small hours.

I know it's not easy to talk about this with family and friends, which is why this forum is so great, classic self-help from those that have been there, but you may be pleasantly surprised at how understanding they can be.

What helped me was:
Nobody died.
Nobody was going to come round with big sticks and do me knee-caps.
I wasn't the first and wouldn't be the last
In the US you're not really trying unless you've gone bankrupt twice
Health and sanity is more important
It will pass

My current situation isnt brilliant but I am handling it so much better than before, and I know that it is all do-able.

Please add anything else which you found helped get things into perspective and cope better

[Skippy]

That's a really good outlook Ashbash. I dealt with it by laughing at the situation - it wasn't funny in any way but if I didn't laugh I would have cried.

I could have cried today though - I commented to a so called friend that I didn't miss having a credit card and her response was 'Don't rub it in, you got off lightly. Personally I think they should have taken your car.'

Some people think that IVA's and BR are an easy option but they're not. No-ne takes a decision like that lightly.

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is the present - a gift to make the most of.

View my blog at http://skippy13.blogs.iva.co.uk/

[jane.l]

Why are some people just so horrible? I know I am in a mess (are people gonna think we have just done this lightly?) and accept that but I am very afraid of being bankrupt and it all coming out, I was not too worried before last week, (with the fiasco over a past "friend" being horrid to me) It has made me think, why should people be mean to someone just because they are bankrupt? I think a lot of its ignorance, they just don't know enough about the person's situation and about bankruptcy itself

[Skippy]

I agree with you Jane. The best part is she has a problem with her car and might need a lift from me - I am so tempted to tell her to walk but I'm not going to lower myself to that level!

I know I've messed things up, but I tried with my IVA and when that didn't work I took the only realistic route, which was BR. I am now determined to get on with my fresh start, and if people choose to look down on me there's nothing I can do about it.

At least with the forum we are all in similar situations and can understand what the others are going through.

Jane, I'm glad you're still posting - don't let them get you down x

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is the present - a gift to make the most of.

View my blog at http://skippy13.blogs.iva.co.uk/

[scaredkez]

skippy i wouldn't lower your self either to her level, she obviously doesn't understand what you have been through, some people are cruel especially when they are very blind to a situation.

jane good to see you back too! hope you are feeling better and more positive, don't let them get you down, your new life will begin soon, good luck.
kerri

Please view my blog at: http://scaredkez.blogs.iva.co.uk/

[thebear29uk]

Skippy

You have been open with your "friend" about your situation. If she thinks you shouldn't have kept your car she should think about her principles before accepting a lift in something so tainted. I often say you can have any number of mates but your true friends can be counted on one hand. I had a "mate" from work who I socialised with. I helped him when his long term relationship finished and when I accepted I had a problem with my finances I confided in him. He has been absolutely brilliant. He's helped in so many ways, be it the odd pint here and there, or helping me when loads of work needed doing on the house saving the need for paying somebody else. I've reassigned his status as friend.

Jane its great to see you still posting. Dont let the little people win. You are better than that.

Ashbash I love your thoughts. Every time I read them I can hear Baz Luhrman doing "Wear Sunscreen". It will pass. Lol.

Dave

[lily]

In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke, it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking. (I sent it to everyone on my list. Will you?)

Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her, "How could God let something like this happen(regarding Katrina)

Anne Graham gave an xtremely profound and insightful response.

She said, "I believe God is deeply saddened by this,
just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives.

And being the gentleman
He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?"

In light of recent events..terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found recently) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK.

Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school .The Bible says Thou Shalt Not Kill, Thou Shalt Not Steal, and Love Your Neighbor As Yourself. And we said OK.

Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide).We said an expert should know what he's talking about. And we said OK.

Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.

Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with "WE REAP WHAT WE SOW."

Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell. Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says.

Funny how you can send jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing.

Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.

Funny how someone can be so fired up for Christ on Sunday, but be an invisible Christian the rest of the week!

Are you laughing?
Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they WILL think of you for sending it.

Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us.

Pass it on if you think it has merit.

If not then just discard it ...
No one will know you did. But, if you discard this thought process, don't sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in.

"Good friends are like stars.........You don't always see them, but you know they are always there!

Stay Blessed


lily

[Skippy]

That's so true Lily. Things are going very wrong in the world, and although I'm not deeply religious I think we could do worse than live by the 10 commandments.

Thanks for your kind words Kerri and Bear. I feel much better today than yesterday, and I agree about the lift Bear. I didn't expect to keep my car, I was ready to get a cheaper one, but the OR's decision was I could keep it. My real friends have stood by me, and know that I didn't take the decision to go BR lightly. I've been open about it, but not because I'm proud of it, but because if people hide their debts it turns it into something shameful.

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is the present - a gift to make the most of.

View my blog at http://skippy13.blogs.iva.co.uk/

[ray_a]

I always think that we need to go through the tough times it is usual a sort out time to find out those who are our real friends are,and those who want an easy ride on our backs!

[jane.l]

I cannot believe the way my life's going! After the upset with the so called ex-friend of mine who said some awful stuff about me on another forum, I went to work today and have received an email from my brother, it was along the lines of " ******* was correct in what he said, all he did was tell you some home truths and you should be glad it is now out in the open"!!!!!!!!, stop moaning about your life"!!!!

Well, I am gobsmacked,this is my BROTHER, I thought he would be on my side, but he is also a friend of this "person" and has obviously got the same viewpoint as him! He knows how upset I was. Seems I am to be dis-owned by my family now for getting into a financial mess!! I am soooo alone! I WILL NEVER SPEAK TO HIM AGAIN

[aguise]

There but for the grace of god walk these people Jane, they have no understanding of life and no compassion and no realisation that they could at some point in life hit hard times and need the support of others, and I am sorry but I hope they receive the same treatment and help as they have given to you. I cannot understand how they can be so narrow minded. You are not alone here Jane, we will support you . Sorry now I'm really mad.

Ang xxx

[scaredkez]

jane i am so sorry that your brother has taken the view of that narrow minded person, at least you know where your loyalties lie, you have done nothing wrong to be treated in this way but held your head up and admitted a mistake like all of us, as aguise says we are always here to offer what support we can, you hold your head up, there will be a day when your bro will need you,you are the better person, i too wouldn't speak to him either, all i can see is the green eyed monster in them that didn't have the guts to say anything before.
take no notice of them, and cut all communication ties so they can't bother or upset you again.
kerri

Please view my blog at: http://scaredkez.blogs.iva.co.uk/

[Skippy]

Jane, I'm so sorry that your brother is treating you like this. Like Kerri and Ang have said you aren't alone, we are all here to support you. One day, the people who are being so horrible will need help, and they will find that what goes around comes around.

You have nothing to be ashamed of Jane - like a lot of us on here you have made a mistake, but you can hold your head high as you have faced your problems and are dealing with them.

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is the present - a gift to make the most of.

View my blog at http://skippy13.blogs.iva.co.uk/

[lily]

Jane

I am so sorry about the treatment you are recieving from you own family, its so unecessary to treat you like this. To kick someone when they are down is a terrible thing, but a member of your own family??? I just cannot imagine how bad you must be feeling, all I can think of to say is that he doesnt deserve you. Shame on him and his friend. Its appauling. You are not alone, please believe that.

lily

[Kiska]

you poor thing.

i no longer talk to my brother because of the green eyed monster, not about money but other things that happened and he wouldn't support me. it was so upsetting. i've now taken comfort by thinking i am the better person... like every one said we are here for you, this site has been fantastic...

love kerry