Thanks all sorry if I go round in circles I have struggling in a major way and have no one to talk to about it as we have told no one. I can't concentrate at work.
Everyones advice is going in but it is taking a long time to digest and get a grip on it. I also know in reality its not the biggest debt on here, but even if it was smaller again I think I would feel the same, I am not sure what is wrong with me
My biggest fear is BR I have cleared the IVA at work and have been assured by Tina et al that they have senior professionals and accountants doing IVAs but BR will not be possible to carry on working
So that leads me to homeless and jobless with my 3 kids and that scares the hell out of me. Also then I blame myself for it all which doesnt help and has lead to some very bad thoughts thats why I spoke to the samaritans
I am just scared witless of the unknowns and feel I have lost all control of the situation, I think the wife is less stressed as she still seems to function and makes the house work (something I am not helping with) and I think she is assuming that this will work and thinks all is under control at the moment
Lets hope it does not come to that I spoke to a friend yesterday who I found out him and his wife had done an IVA and they thought there was no way I should go BR for my level of debt and they were thankful for their IVA and had just got a mortgage post IVA so that did make me feel positive, but not sure I could go through a repossession if that was to happen but having 20 years of mortgage to pay also makes me think can we do it.
The debt has ruined me and my life and I am not sure I will ever recover. The depression is really kicking in today after such a good weekend after all, Dylans birthday on Thursday and his first Holy communion on the 19th. Big things that I cant let the debt problem ruin.
Again Sorry all for my constant rants and worries but I am really struggling
Last edited by Ox1987 on Tue May 07, 2013 10:26 am, edited 1 time in total.
Hi Ox, just caught up on your post and it reminds me of me soo much.
Over a year ago I was in a similar situation and really believed I'd be better off giving up and living on the streets. I'm divorced and single and have 2 teenage children who come round regularly. At the end of the day, I just couldn't let them down and wanted to give them some stability in their lives.
I'd got to a point where I was on the verge of breaking down, no proper sleep for ages and constantly running the worst case senarios through my mind.
Well, 13 months on I'm getting better. I'm also on Cilitopram and have been for the past few months (they do take time to have the desired effect). Things are starting to feel more positive and I'm taking each day as it comes.
With your GP's support, your loving family and one of the best IP's looking after your debt problem, I'm sure you will also start to live a proper life again very soon.
It is eating me alive at the moment
I know it is the right route and will hopefully save my career. I just am very concerned about the future all the time and panic about the impact on the children if we were to lose our home and go BR
I had dreams for us and them and now they seem gone
Do you think it that the current economic climate is also affecting your thoughts on the future? I know it was with me. But we really can't do anymore than work hard. I have been made redundant twice in the last 5 years and thought I'd end up on the scrap heap, but I kept going and am again working in a job I enjoy.
The dreams haven't gone, you're just refocusing on what's more important. For all the bad thoughts, you are doing the right thing by yourself and your family.
One of the most postive things to come out of my IVA is the fact that I'm planning a future again, for me and my children and any possible lady friend that may come into my life.
It is the current economic climate but also the real view on potential future employers of an IVA. CIMA have said its not a problem but you dont know really.
Any job loss for me even without an IVA would result in losing the house etc and with the shortfall would have to result in bankruptcy.
I can't seem to get away from it and it is drving me crazy the thought of it. I can't believe that there has been many families with young children that have gone through bankruptcy and lost everything and survived to be happy again. I am not sure I will ever be happy again at the moment.
I am having hot flushes and going in circles again what is wrong with me.
Last edited by Ox1987 on Tue May 07, 2013 12:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"I can't believe that there has been many families with young children that have gone through bankruptcy and lost everything and survived to be happy again. I am not sure I will ever be happy again at the moment".
Be assured, Ox, there are. My brother is one such beast. Like my marriage, it is not so much as a painful ending, but a painful new beginning (giving birth springs to mind here!)
Anyway ... it isn't going to come to that!
My opinions are merely that .. opinions based on experience. Always seek professional advice.
IVA Completed 23rd July 2013 .... C.C. 10th January 2014
I dont know what is wrong with me I cannot eliminate the worrying and compared to others it is not a huge debts but to me it is and as I have said before I fear ruining my kids lives from debt.
Am I one of the worst for this is it abnormal
I am sure I could keep my job here from the IVA but my worry is future employment if I needed to get another job and will they reject me due to an IVA and also surviving on the one income for the next 20 years plus with big outgoings etc. Also we don't know yet whether the mortgage company will pull our mortgage due to an IVA and also the lease car may do the same.
I also feel I am lying at this job when it is not sorted out yet and I am continuing to work on with it all hanging over me
I have to focus and act like a better dad and husband but it is hard and feels like a big act and sometimes I feel they would be better off without me in this state.
Last edited by Ox1987 on Tue May 07, 2013 12:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.
I don't have children but I can assure you that it's possible to be happy after BR. Since I went BR we have moved to a better area (nothing dodgy, I just had the money to pay my way rather than paying everything to my creditors) and we are now married. Again I wouldn't have been able to do that having no money.
Also, children are very resilient and the most important thing is they have a happy Mum and Dad who love them.
I understand that Skippy but I feel I would have no income to provide for them and no home a BR would deffo mean end of career and therefore as could not pay mortgage etc. So would be homeless and jobless I assume I would get benefits etc but also I would have to go through a repossesion and fight to get shortfall included in BR etc.
This is what I am worried the kids could not go though. Also would the council rehome us I am not sure they may say we intentionally made ourselves homeless.
I have to stop this I know i am in circles again but am on verge I think of a nervous breakdown or worse I think. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME !!!!
Last edited by Ox1987 on Tue May 07, 2013 1:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Ox, i admit i havent read this whole thread so i hope i am not repeating what has already been said and i really hope i am not out of line asking this but wont your wife be able to work once the littlest is a bit older? As all i am thinking is as long as someone can work you can pay into an IVA, everybody else on this forum (other than the BR) pay into an IVA i dont understand why you think you cant!! This is the thing that is confusing me the most. You have debts now yes? You have been paying them off monthly yes? So why is it impossible to imagine that you can pay a smaller monthly payment? If you lose your job in a years time your wife could get one and your contributions would be altered accordingly or as i have already said, you use the 10k to try for an F&F (this is assuming you get refused the F&F in the first place which you may not) I just dont know what is is about your circumstances that you feel is so different to everybody elses other than the fact that you probably earn alot more and im not being mean saying this it is true. Our joint income is about 40k. My hubby works 5.5 days a week and i do 24 hours per week over nights and weekends. We have nearly finished our IVA, we have been skint forever but we are a ridiculously happy family!!!!
Money isn't the be all and end all but it obviously helps. I'm so much happier now I've been in the IVA than pre-IVA. We argued about money, lack of it all the time. Once the IVA was set up the pressure was off and we've become so much closer and got a new start in our personal and financial life.
IVA final payment left the bank on the 26th January 2013...looking forward to a debt free future.
Josu and all let me try and explain and you may see my situation and stress as I think what you said is probably alot of peoples idea. I was paying the debts with a higher salary and lost that job in December and had to take a lower paid job.
We have done the Income and Expenditure with Mels team and in their calculation with my outgoings there is left £50 disposable income to offer to a IVA. I have a good salary but no benefits and This includes 300 for petrol mortgage £1,500 all bills and £550 a month for food for a family of five. This covers everything and should be comfortable to live on but with no money for a normal IVA. Hence £50 * 60 months would give £3,000 and the £10k F&F is better than that.
I have asked whether the fact the budget is so tight means that we are a bankruptcy case and was told no it would be a good budget to live on and we would be ok and as you stated the wife may earn in the future and I may in a few years or so get a payrise etc. Obviously I am concerned about rising costs of living but that we would have to deal with. This is what is causing all the stress etc
I hope that explains my situation better and people may understand it better why I am stressed about it as it feels F&F or nothing
Do people still think we can survive when they see this that would be interesting.
I suppose I may have been advised to go BR if it was not for my job, house and kids.
Last edited by Ox1987 on Tue May 07, 2013 2:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.
