Apologies to Ray!

[Skippy]

I'm not trying to outdo your jokettes but I couldn't resist this one!

An Irish fella takes his mates back to his new flat. After a few beers one of the lads asks what's the big brass gong hanging on the wall.

Paddy says "It's my speaking clock!"

"How does it work?"

"I'll show you." Paddy hits it full pelt with a claw hammer.

A voice from next door yells 'For God's sake you fool, it's twenty to three in the morning!"

[kallis3]

I'm sure he won't mind Skip.

[fbdo]

LOVE IT!!!shall be sending it to all my family really has made me laugh out loud!!
(ps I'm irish)

[Andy1964]

How about this one.

An elderly gent is sitting at the side of the road crying,

'What's the matter' asks a concerned passer-by

'Last week I got married to the most wonderful young woman you could ever wish to meet, she cooks fantastic meals, she cleans immaculately, she takes care of my every need, she always obliges if I'm in the mood for sex no matter what time of day it is and I feel like the luckiest man in the world'

'Wow' says the passer-by 'she sounds like a real diamond, but why are you crying?

to which the old guy replies 'I can't remember where I live'

[Declan at DebtFreeDirect]

Love the Irish joke - im Irish and will also be sending this on to firends back home - classic!!

[wickerwish]

Might as well have another one then;

Paddy struggling down road with a wardrobe and his mate says "why don,t you get mick to help you". Paddy replies "he is he,s inside carrying the clothes"

[kallis3]

[:D][:D]

[wickerwish]

Paddys in the shower and he shouts to murphy "have you got any shampoo" murphy replies "yes its on side of bath" paddy saays "I cant use that it says its for dry hair and mines already wet"

[debtmountain]

[:D][:o)][:D]...To all of them, here's a couple more![;)]

Paddy & Mick stagger out of the Zoo with blood pouring from their legs.."never again" says Paddy "that's the last time I go lion dancing"

While being interviewed for a job,the personnel manager said to the Maguire brothers "we're going to give you a written exam,10 questions! whoever gets the most correct we'll hire"..papers were produced and the guys set to work answering the general knowledge questions..when the time was up, the personnel manager collected and marked the papers..."well", he said,"you both got nine out of ten but I'm giving the job to Mick"..."why is that?" asked Pat..."well" said the manager.."you both got the same question wrong but Mick wrote " I don't know this" and you wrote "neither do I"[:I]

[MRBLUESKY]

[:D][:)] Here we go then for all you dog lovers.
The dog is truly man,s best friend.
Not convinced?
Put your dog and wife in the boot of your car for an hour.
When you open it,see who,s happy to see you.

[PELDER]

Nice one Ronald, and very true !!
A favourite joke of mine is the old 'Drive thru ATM machine' one, and a classic:

Procedure for Men
1)Drive up to the ATM (cash machine).
2)Wind down your car window.
3)Insert card into ATM and enter PIN.
4)Enter amount of cash required and take the notes.
5)Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6)Wind-up window.
7)Drive off.

Procedure for Women
1)Drive up to cash machine.
2)Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the ATM.
3)Set parking brake, put the window down. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat, finally locate the card.
4)Tell girl friend on mobile phone that you will call her back and hang up. Attempt to insert card into machine.
5)Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its distance from the car. 6)Insert debit card.
7)Re-insert card the right way.
8)Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the address page.
9)Enter PIN.
10)Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
11)Enter amount of cash required.
12)Take a quick peek at yourself in rear view mirror.
13)Retrieve notes and receipt
14)Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside.
15)Write debit amount in cheque register and place receipt in back of chequebook.
16)Re-check makeup.
17)Drive forward 2 feet.
18)Reverse back to cash machine.
19)Retrieve card.
20)Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
21)Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you
22)Restart stalled engine and pull off.
23)Redial person on cell phone.
24)Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
25)Release parking brake !!!

[MRBLUESKY]

[:)][:)] nice to here from you pelder.

[PELDER]

Hello Again Ronald - I don't post very often and doubt if I will ever reach your tally of 1400 but this gag I heard the other day made me chuckle - " My wife, peering out from a huge pile of washing didn't see the funny side when I told her that 'Apple' had just launched their latest hi-tech product especially for women - the i ron goes on sale soon !!
I promise to post no more gags - honestly !

[MRBLUESKY]

hi pelder your dry sense of humor is a must.keep chipping in mate,a varied input from members keeps the forum strong.theres always someone out there that will need your support.[8D]

[kallis3]

The old ones are always the best Pelder![:D][:D][:D]