Advice for Ox

[Ox1987]

Not yet waiting on a redemption statement thru post and struggling to get valuation in writing these are final pieces then we are good to go its in progress been told 2-3 weeks

[luluj]

Ox - there are plenty of other forum posters with the same number of children, if not more ...break down the issues into bite size pieces and deal with it one at a time, one day at a time. Remember what we have said ...your children are young enough to really not understand the changes you will go through in as far as not being able to afford the things you have given them in the past. Small changes with the budget and different ways of having family time will make them really appreciate and understand the true value of living to a budget....
None of us would want to be where we have ended up - seeking help is not nice, but the help is there and we need to grasp it and work with your IP to find the right solution for you and your family - if that is the F&F IVA option then excellent, if not the normal IVA route....you have a good background, good salary and your expenditure items can be set to enable you to pay into a normal IVA - don't focus on the it isn't gonna happen, or the what if I am made bankrupt - I really do believe you will be accepted on the IVA route - Mel and her team will do what they can to help you and guide you - please stop beating yourself up x

[Foggy]

I can only echo what luluj is saying, Mark. And, earlier I meant, as others keep saying, focus on the positives. I know it's hard -- but you have to FIGHT to keep the negatives at bay. Think about what you HAVE got ... the important things -- a loving and supportive wife, great kids who love you, a decent salary (no ifs, but's why's or maybe's).

I have been where you are (indeed, I am almost back there now) and I know you have to fight to get back to normal --- doesn't have to be a superhuman feat -- a little step at a time will do it -- but you MUST stop looking at all the negatives. We all have those in the cupboard, but we look to the positives.

[Hyperdrive]

Had conversations today with my life coach friend and he says that I definately look at the negatives too much and will suggest some tasks to help me focus on what is important. I have told him to me the most important thing is my 3 children and their safety and happiness.

There you go Ox - as well as everyone on here saying just that, who are also your friends, the motivation is there - and by definition the solution will follow as surely as night follows day.

[Ox1987]

I understand what all of you are saying but I find it hard to focus on positives when I worry about the kids and will we lose them in any scenario or harm them. I will try to do that today and my life coach says the same tiny positive steps and praise myself for them I just fear being homeless with my 3 small children and the future scares me senseless at the moment how am I going to pay my mortgage for years yet it all scares me
Baby is lying beside me smiling away unaware of her unsecure future shouting dada dada

What I struggle with is how im told even if we have to go BR and lose everything we will still be fine in the long run
We would lose house I fear we would lose kids and we would have no money to feed them. How is that fine

Finding it a struggle to concentrate at work at the moment and even get out of bed to go to it

[Shining]

Ox go and watch People Like Us and Skint, two TV programmes that highlight living on estates in the UK, one in Harpurhey Manchester and one in S****horpe and think again please. They live a different world to me so I know they will to you.

[Shining]

oh that wasn't intentionally a swear word obviously but it was censored.

They have their children living with them and are happy in their own way so do stop thinking too much.

[Shining]

http://www.iva.co.uk/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=52476

Have you seen this post Ox? Might help give you some reassurance.

[bigtrouble]

Ox....sorry I haven't been on here for a long time. We commenced our IVA in July 2010. We have 3 young children who were only 6,4 and 2 at the time and I completely understand how hard you are finding it. I remember thinking how we had let the children down, how their future was so unsecure, what if, what if etc....BUT you know what, I can honestly say that is not the case. You have every chance of being accepted onto an IVA. Trust that your IP is doing everything possible to make that happen. Our pence in the pound return to creditors was quite low but we still got accepted. You have done a great thing setting yourself on the road to getting your finances sorted. Ultimately, your children will benefit as there will be money there to help you all live in an ordered and structured way. It's hard to have the self belief to think "yeah this will all be ok, i can make it work". But you can. Those children are your inspiration. Good luck and keep the faith! BigTrouble.

[Ox1987]

Sorry lesley my ill brain is not thinking straight is that meant to reassure me it will get approved

I did not envisage my children growing up on an estate with no hopes and turning to crime if that is what is shows

[Shining]

Ox I will walk away from this thread now as all I try to do is reassure you and it's obviously not working. I did not for one moment think that your children would be living on an estate and turning to crime. I wanted to show you that there are far worse off people than you living happily.

Not all people who live on an estate turn to crime either. My brother is very successful and I don't think I've done bad irrespective of the IVA and we were both brought up in the middle of a council estate!

[Ox1987]

Sorry lesley dont walk away its just my mind I have not been good the past few days and I know you are trying to help and I do appreciate it

I am just a desparate father wanting to keep his children safe and paranoid he is going to lose them

Today I have had to have a day off work as I think the stress has impacted my stomach

Big trouble if you dont mind me asking what was your low return

[ClareSilver]

What I don't understand is why you would lose your kids just because you're in debt. There's no such thing as debtors prison anymore (it was abolished eons ago).

Worse case scenario is that you end up bankrupt. It doesn't make you a bad parent and bankruptcy these days is not as big a deal as it used to be.

Kids are resilient and will adapt to change very quickly. As long as they have loving parents and food in their bellies, that's all they need, everything else pales into insignificance.

What will be, will be. Think about what happened to that poor soldier yesterday in Woolwich and what his poor family are going through........

[bigtrouble]

Totally agree with you Clare.

Ox - definitely under 20p in the pound after costs.

[Ox1987]

I just see a horror story vision of going bankrupt house repossessed homeless jobless no money no food then kids get taken off us for neglect maybe that is my problem I am seeing this too darkly it is blinding everything

I want them to be happy and successful as I would love to be happy again as stated I feel like a desparate father wanting to keep his kids safe

But I also agree about the soldiers family