advice desperately needed

[panicsetin]

Hi everyone

I have been reading through the forums and feel a little better knowing that there are others in the same situation as me.... But I havent taken any positive steps forward to sort out my debt and i really want to. First though I would really appreciate your advice/thoughts etc.

I have over the past 15 years managed to accumulate approximately £100,000 worth of debt. A majority of this happened after the breakup of my marriage where i was left trying to support myself and my young child. I am very ashamed of this - and until now have only told one other person. For the past 5 years I have been living with my new partner who i am very happy with but he knows nothing of my situation. (which hasnt helped as I have had to keep up with him which has made my situation worse). Although we live together he owns the property and we have no (as far as i am aware no official financial association. Although one utility bill is in joint names there is no record of him on my credit file so i am assuming that we are not linked). I have reached the stage where i want/need to take some action and a friend has recommended using Payplan to do a DMP. I am happy to try this but my prime concern is that I cannot tell my partner as i am terrified of losing him (he really would not be able to comprehend how someone could get themselves in so much trouble). Can i do this without him finding out? I also do not, under any circumstances, want to affect his credit rating - would it? Also, when i sold my property i was left with some equity. I am unable to use this towards my debt as i would not be able to explain where the money has gone and my partner is expecting me to use it towards our home. Is there a way to protect this?

Also, I see that it is beneficial to open a new bank account before going down this route and i attempted to open a Nationwide account but they refused me a debit card account (didnt want overdraft but did want a debit card). I am confused by this as my credit rating remains good other than the level of debt i am in. Is it worth me applying to co-op or will they refuse me also?

Is a DMP the best option for me? I am keen to repay all my debt - not matter how long it takes - I just cant keep up with the repayment levels at the moment.

Sorry for all the questions but i would really appreciate your thoughts as at the moment i feel very alone and really rather scared.

Thank you

[aguise]

Hi there and welcome
The best way to get good advice on here is to post the following details if you dont mind that way others can give good advice on the best way forward for you and at least tell you your options.
If you can post your income, your debt amounts and who to, work out your disposable income by adding all your living costs(dont include debt payments) just the things like gas elec rent as you would pay your partner evrything down to food and insurances. Take this away from your income and the disposable income is left.
A dmp is just an arrangement with your creditors to pay them a lower amount and in some cases they will freeze interest though they dont have to, depending on the level of debt and yours is quite high it could take fifteen years to pay them back.
A lot of the experts are at a debt evening tonight so you may not get a lot of feedback this evening but you will get advice after.
Try no to worry things will sort out. So far as not saying anything to your partner, a lot on here have said the same and have taken courage and explained the situation and have had wonderful support, I feel most solutions would be difficult to keep hiding things if you live together, but that decision has to be yours .
Hope I havent gone on too much but didnt want you to think nobody was answering.

Ang

Please visit my blog at http://aguise.blogs.iva.co.uk/

[panicsetin]

Thank you Ang for your post.

i wish i could tell my partner but i know what his reaction would be and i cant face it. That is why i am so keen to find out if i can keep it from him. I really dont think i can go ahead with this if he will find out. I think i would rather leave him (which would break my heart and we have a young child together now) than be honest about this - that is how ashamed i am of the situation i find myself in. I dont think anyone can understand this situation unless they've been in it themselves. How such large debts can be built up is (in my opinion) beyond the comprehension of anyone who hasnt been there. Thank you also for saying why i may not get much response this evening.

Although this is an IVA forum; are people who opt for DMP welcome too? Only whatever happens to me from here this forum seems like somewhere that could prove invaluably supportive [:)]

[aguise]

This forum is for anyone who wants support and advice about debt and also we have a natter at times about anything. If you just want someone to talk to there is always someone here, nobody will judge you most have or are in the same situation and most of us dont know how we got here.
I dont know if admin ** can find any of the posts from those who have had to tell family etc for you to read they are quite inspiring and show how well familys and loved ones react, quite the opposite usually.
Any way I look forward to speaking to you more.

Dont panic

Ang [:)]

Please visit my blog at http://aguise.blogs.iva.co.uk/

** http://www.iva.co.uk/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2135
.. very interesting posts from the point of view of the person who found out..
added by admin.

[tracy.h]

Hi there welldone for taking the first step and addressing your problems,its so hard when you realise you can't carry on living with this enourmous weight around your neck,especaily when you have youngsters that rely on you.
Believe me we have all been there and are dealing with it in our own way be it iva/dmp/br.
I understand how hard it is to confide in our loved ones but i think most of the time we are shocked by there reaction and there support is in my eyes the key to sorting out your future,but as Ang said that has to be your desicion.
Trust is a big part of a relationship imagine how he would feel if he found out by chance,it would be far worse,and all the trust you have built within your relationship would be lost.
At the end of the day how does he think you have supported your lifestyle,he must realise you can't provide as he does i'm only submising that he is the main bread winner as you have the children to look after.
If as Ang said you could post some more details relateing to your circumstances then i'm sure one of the other experts will be able to advise on your best way forward.
Hang in there don't ever feel alone we will always be here to offer what ever support we can,remember all of us that post are in the same situation or have been at some stage and we have a great team of legal experts that work hard to offer up to date advise regarding all debt issues.
Look forward to hearing from you.

Tracy

[Skippy]

I remember how hard it was to tell my partner. I thought I could manage until I received a letter from MBNA informing me that they were putting my interest up to 27.9% pa. This was the final straw and I knew I had to do something. I drove home crying my eyes out, convinced he would throw me out (the flat is in his name) but when I told him he was great. Like you I had spent the money trying to keep up - going out, buying nice presents etc.

When I said I wanted to talk to him and he saw the state I was in, I think he thought I was going to leave him - he thought his luck was in! Seriously, when I told him he was great, and said he wished I'd told him before. He has supported me through the IVA, and then through my BR and I couldn't have done it without him.

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is the present - a gift to make the most of.

View my blog at http://skippy13.blogs.iva.co.uk/

[Adam Davies]

Hi Panicsetin
I must echo the other members comments in that,from a guys perspective,I would feel more hurt if my wife had not shared a problem with me and would support her fully knowing that she had worried about telling me.I really do think that you will be surprised at the reaction that you will get.However I respect the fact that you want to keep it private.
Now a DMP will not give you protection from your creditors and nor will it necessarily get interest stopped.I am not sure how the fact that you have cash available from your house sale will affect you taking a DMP as you may have to declare it.
It is possible,but difficult,to do an IVA without you getting your partner on board[as you are not joint houseowners] but in an IVA you will certainly have to pay in your cash into it.
Post as many details as possible
Regards

Andy Davie
IVA.co.uk Spokesperson

About me:
http://www.iva.co.uk/andy_davie_profile.asp

IVA Helpline: 0800 197 4838
http://www.iva.co.uk/iva_helpline.asp

[Dominic]

It is better to tell him, one way or the other he will find out, so be straight about it and avoid hurt that will damage your relatiosnshio.

[MelanieGiles]

The advice and support you have been given by the earlier posters is absolutely correct, and I would certainly emphasise the need to share your difficulties with your current partner, but do be aware that you can do this silently from him. Although I would not recomment this to anyone, I am currently dealing with an IVA for a lady who refused to tell her husband as she felt that it would affect her marriage. We explained this to creditors in the proposal, made full disclosure of both salaries and income sharing ratios, and creditors were happy to accept. So you do not have to tell you partner if you do not want to - and as the IVA payments are likely to be lower than what you are actually paying out in debt repayments, this could serve to boost your relationship rather than harm it.

Regards, Melanie Giles, Insolvency Practitioner for over 20 years.

For further details contact me at http://www.melaniegiles.com and view my IVA blog at: http://melaniegiles.blogs.iva.co.uk