www.iva.co.uk

I don't normally take much notice of so called "funny" e mails, but these 2 had me chuckling so I thought I would share them with you, apologies if you have seen them before.

The first one is supposedly a genuine list of requests to a housing department at a Council.

Our toilet is blocked and we cannot bath our four children until it is cleared;

I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming off the wall;

I have had your Clerk of Works down on the floor six times, but have not yet received any satisfaction;

I want some repairs done to my cooker, which has backfired and burnt my knob off;

Our lavatory seat has broken in half and is now in three pieces;

I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen; half of them are damp, half have crumbling plaster and are the rest are just plain filthy;

Our kitchen floor is damp; we have two small children and would like a third, so please send a man to do something about it.

The other is a random headline generator for the Daily Mail, with apologies to Mail readers.

http://www.geocities.com/wyrmalicious/DailyMailGen.html

You need to press F5 to update to a new headline.

[:D][:D][:D][:D]

lol [:D][:D][:D]

not often i chuckle...but these did have me laughing out loud at the computer

Excellent!

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[:D]LOL[:D]

Good Ones [:D][:D][:D][:D]

Thanks for making me giggle [:)]

Debbie

They remind me f the car insurance claims jasper carrot used to read out on his show when he was funny.
2 that spring to mind,
i turned into my neighbours drive by mistake and collided with a tree i didn't have.

i collided with the cyclst, he admitted it was his fault as he had been run over last week.

[:D][:D][:D]

Lol [:D] Size5

Here's another one, apologies if you have seen it before.[:D]

Here is a collection of trivia questions asked by Media personalities together with answers given by their quiz show contestants!


UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)

Jeremy Paxman: What is another name for 'cherrypickers' and 'cheesemongers'?

Contestant: Homosexuals.

Paxman: No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you.

BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)

Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is?

Contestant: Geography isn't my strong point.

Theakston: There's a clue in the title.

Contestant: Leicester.

BBC NORFOLK

Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?

Contestant: I don't know.

White: I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?

Contestant: Arm.

White: Correct. And if you're not weak, you're...?

Contestant: Strong.

White: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?

Contestant: Louis.

White: Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World?

Contestant: Frank Sinatra?

LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS)

Alex Trelinski: What is the capital of Italy?

Contestant: France.

Trelinski: France is another country. Try again.

Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm.

Trelinski: Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country is the Parthenon?

Contestant: Sorry, I don't know.

Trelinski: Just guess a country then.

Contestant: Paris.

THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)

Anne Robinson:- Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what:- Prison, or the Conservative Party?

Contestant: The Conservative Party.

BEACON RADIO (WOLVERHAMPTON)

DJ Mark: For Pounds 10, what is the nationality of the Pope?

Ruth from Rowley Regis: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE

Bamber Gascoigne: What was Gandhi's first name?

Contestant: Goosey?


GWR FM (Bristol)

Presenter: What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963?

Contestant: I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.


RTE RADIO 2FM (IRELAND)

Presenter: What is the name of the long- running TV comedy show about pensioners: Last Of The ...?

Caller: Mohicans.

PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO MANCHESTER)

Phil: What's 11 squared?

Contestant: I don't know.

Phil: I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle.

Contestant: Is it five?

RICHARD AND JUDY

Q: Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?

A: Forrest Gump.

RICHARD AND JUDY

Leslie: On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?

Contestant: Er . . .

Leslie: He makes bread . .

Contestant: Er . ..

Leslie: He makes cakes . . .

Contestant: Kipling Street?


LINCS FM PHONE-IN

Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?

Contestant: Barcelona.

Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.

Contestant: I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain.


NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)

Question: What is the world's largest continent?

Contestant: The Pacific

ROCK FM (PRESTON)

Presenter: Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo Da Vinci.

Contestant: Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV)

Steve Le Fevre: What was signed, to bring World War I to an end in 1918?

Contestant: Magna Carta?

JAMES O'BRIEN SHOW (LBC)

O'Brien: How many kings of England have been called Henry?

Contestant: Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth ... er...
er ... three?


CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL)

Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna?

Caller: Japan.

Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again.

Caller: Er .... Mexico?


PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE)

Paul Wappat: How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last?

Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days.

DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO)

Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels?

Contestant: Holland?

Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.

Contestant: Iceland? Ireland?

Denham (helpfully): It's a bad line. Did you say Israel?

Contestant: No.


PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR)

Wood: What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible?

Contestant: Er . .. .

Wood: It's got two syllables . . . Kor . . .

Contestant: Blimey?

Wood: Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . .

Contestant: (Silence)

Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . . .

Contestant: Walked?


THE VAULT

Melanie Sykes: What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time?

Contestant: Nostalgia.


LUNCHTIME SHOW (BRMB)

Presenter: What religion was Guy Fawkes?

Contestant: Jewish.

Presenter: That's close enough.


STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (BBC RADIO 2)

Wright: Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loincloth did he play?

Contestant: Jesus.

[:D]

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Hey Ladyh, I've just got in from work so I'm wide awake. How are you? Is my time going funny?[:0] X

Thought I'd missed you then, I'm a really S L O W typist so I emailed you. Nothing interesting! How you doing? X

I've just choked on my JD through laughing so much! [:D] [:D]

Debbie