www.iva.co.uk

Hi,I've been hanging around for a while now and thought it was about time I posted! I've made my 4th payment of 72 but still spend so much time worrying about the IVA. I feel so guilty and ashamed, my husband knew we were in debt but I kept how bad it had got from him for about a year before one day completely breaking down and admitting that we had a huge problem. Our IVA is with McCambridge Duffy who have been more than helpful and supportive from the very first phone call but I still spend most days worrying about how we are going to get through the next 6 years and then feeling awful because I feel so responsible for the mess we were in. Will I ever feel 'normal' again?
Sorry my first post seems a bit negative but I have no-one to talk to, my family have no idea and would be so disappointed and I feel like I have let my husband down.
Red1980

Hi Red and welcome.

We all worry about our IVA - I have major changes coming up soon but will get through it!!!

You sound a lot like me with our IVA - I kept things from my husband and it all came out on my birthday a week before Christmas - not good!!

Glad your hubby is being supportive (as is mine) and you have chosen an excellent company. They are well respected on here. Don't worry about the the negative feelings, I was the one who dropped us in the mire!!!

You can speak to us on here at anytime - if you're on Facebook you can request various friends as a lot of us are on there. We do not discuss debt at all!!!

We also have a great social side and we meet up a couple of times a year amd we're all in the same boat so no worries there!!

Red- welcome to the forum - your IVA is just starting - so it can take a while to getting into the routine - after a while it will become yet another bill that needs to be payed.

The main thing is you mustnt feel isolated at all - you have each other and the forum.

Many of us on here (include myself) went through a whole range of emotions,before ,during and after the IVA. You doing you best to pay as much as you can back - you should be proud of that - not ashamed.

Hey Red, welcome to the forum, what you are feeling is entirely normal, now you have your IVA in place it's natural to go through a whole range of emotions and the realisation of what the next few years means for you.

I can't tell you when you will feel yourself again, as I guess that's different for everyone, all I can say so far from my own experience is that you will have good and bad days, I've just been through a week or so of a deep depression and feeling very down and tearful, but try to take comfort in the fact that out of the millions in our country right now that are in the doodoo and won't face up to it, you have and you have taken such a hard a positive step to sort out your financial problems. You have let noone down .xxx

The forum is a lifeline!!! You can have a rant, a cry, a virtual shoulder to lean on - you name it!!

I even get virtual slaps from time to time !!! I haven't even started my iva yet ( still praying for that). Kallis is right this site is a lifeline. I felt very alone until I joined. Stay strong x

Posted - 10 March 2012 : 21:48:36
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I feel like I have let my husband down.
Red1980

I bet you husband would feel moor let down, if you dont tell him how your feeling about this.
He can't help you if he dose not know how you are feeling, you told him the hard part, so please talk to him about this.

ditsy - it will go away, trust me!! Do you want my mobile number so yu can speak to me if you need to?

Just want to offer my support and say, as others have that it certainly is normal to feel a whole range of things during the process - you can't change the past but you can be sure you are ensuring a better future both short and long term x

It takes time to accept that you let a situation get out of control and that doesn't make you a bad person; stupid in my particular circumstances but not bad LOL. Your husband obviously loves you so let him help you through this. Bottling up how you feel is just another secret that will explode one day and I'm sure he needs to talk about how he's feeling too...just keep talking to each other! Jan and Rosepetal can tell you what it's like to be on both sides of the fence...and both have lived to tell the tale!

I bottled ours up for a long time - it all came to a head and we are much stronger now but couldn't have done it without the strength of the forum.

I still feel guilty today, and ive just finished the payments. Its something i have to live with and you too. But you have made the biggest step anyone in our situation can, you have admitted theres a problem and working to solve it. You should take pride in the fact your 4 payments in and working to put the situation right.

Have faith in your IP to support you and in times of doubt we are here on the forum. It gets easier and you will find 5/6 years time you will be debt free and ready to do whatever you desire, within reason

The only reason I will feel guilty is that I took so much credit in the first place - the fact that I will have paid off as much as I can I will be happy with.

We all had the ostrich syndrome on here at some point, otherwise we wouldn't be here.
There is no shame in admitting you have a problem and dealing with it.
Maybe there's a case for an organisation such as AA or GA but for people like us, Debts Anonymous.
"God,grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference" etc.

Good idea mr torch ......