www.iva.co.uk

Hi all,

as you all know my iva was accepted last thursday, well my sister in law has just announced she is getting married in italy she is husbands only sister and really wants all the family to go, its next august.

Problem is we cant afford to go and nobody in the family knows about our iva, so cant really tell them why we cant afford to go, had we not got ourselves into this debt situation in the first place i wouldnt need to be worrying about this and i just feel so low, after feeling so over the moon last week about our iva being accepted, i now just feel drained and upset that we our in this situation [:(] sorry just needed to have a bit of a rant.

Thanks
Kitty

Rant away Kitty.

I'm so sorry to hear that you won't be able to go to the wedding. I don't know what to suggest as to what you can tell them.

Oh what a shame its these sort of things that are very challenging.
could you not have a quiet word with just them in confidence.
Its a blow for you when you have just started your IVA but I'm sure they would understand. I know its difficult to reveal this sort of thing to other people but in this case I think you will have to.
Good luck
Karen

Hi Kitty, what a dilemma for you. Could you confide in your sister as it would most affect her if you didn't go? I know its a double edged sword but it would be awful for your family to judge you believing you don't care about your sister's wedding when the oppsite is true.

Its easy for us to all say but isn't it better for them to know the truth and have their opinions than base wrong opinions on something that isn't the case. It would so unfair on you.

Good luck with it either way and let us know how you get on.

Regards,

Bless you Kitty - I know how you feel as we just had a family wedding out of the UK that we couldn't all go to - however we managed to get enough together to get my husband out there so at least that was something [:)]

Might I suggest that as it isn't until next August you could perhaps do some rundraising with the time you have especially for this one off trip? Perhaps ebaying lots of things or having car boot sales might allow you to raise some money. Then if you were to search through all the budget options for flights and accommodation you might find it is an achievable goal depending on where abouts in Italy? I work in travel and know that if you shop around you can often get flights for free with just tax to pay and also lots of good budget hotels or guest houses allow you to stay on the cheap or even hostels are often excellent these days as our family have used them before - often booking ahead can get very good prices too.

Of course I don't know your circumstances and what I suggested above might not be possible for you - however that aside I would like to say that I know the shame being in debt brings and whilst I have not told my family outright I have begun to mention how things are tight and I've said overtime has been cut etc so that they begin to get a feeling for our changed circumstances. I also braved it and confided in two friends which whilst scary has made it so much easier as I can simply say sorry I can't afford it rather than making up excuses. It actually turned out one friend was in similar debt to me and has since gone on to get an IVA too! So think you will often find people and family are more understanding than you might think.

Either way I hope you manage to find a way too resolve this and please don't beat yourself up over this. Remember than many of the people who do go to the wedding will be doing so on the good old credit card and probably sweating about which card to put it on too!

Best of luck and hope you manage to resolve things xxxxx

p.s. If you did manage to raise small funds to go perhaps you could use work as an excuse that you could only go for a couple of nights for the wedding itself (say you haven't enough holidays or things are busy and the boss won't give you more time off?) - much cheaper than staying for the whole duration and would allow you to still be part of the wedding?

Just an added thought and wishing you all the best xxxx

Ask for cash for birthdays/christmas presents, car boots, I've no idea how much it would cost and am probably being unrealistic with my suggestions.

My brother has just announced his engagement but no wedding details yet....I'm dreading it x

I agree with what the others have said Kitty, Ebay, presents etc - don't give up, you may be able to do it.

That's one problem with weddings abroad - we've been invited to a wedding in Antingua next year and I know there's no way we'll be able to go. Luckily the couple getting married have sent a web invitation as an open invitation and stated that they know not everyone will be able to afford it.

I'm hoping to get married in the US (when I've convinced the prospective groom!) and I know a lot of people won't be able to go and I'll completely understand that, and in some cases it'll be a relief!

I want to come Skip!

Don't hold your breath Jan - I mentioned it to Dave and he soon changed the subject!

We can bully him at Christmas Skip!

Please feel free, although obviously I will know nothing about it when you do!

You'll get there eventually Skippy, I'm sure xx

Do you want us all to bully him Skip?

Hi Kitty

I'm sorry to hear of your problem, nobody knows of our IVA either and I would die of embarassment if anyone did find out.

If you do manage to get some money together to go, we have used a company called Italian Breaks before for accommodation, they were really quite reasonable for accommodation (good standard and clean as well) and used Easyjet for the flights although BA were just as cheap as we booked everything up about a year in advanced.

We too got married out in Italy and it was fantastic and are planning to go back on our 10th anniversary to celebrate both 10 years and the end of our IVA!

Good luck

Andrea

2 years 2 months left to go!