www.iva.co.uk

Do you know, as tearful, fearful and downright terrified as I am every morning, I have to say hubby is really being a superstar.

He's thrown himself into it all and is actually asking questions now!

He's just said, in a very tongue in cheek manner "Darling, I shall operate our finances to the penny - with your help of course, as I'll b***** it up otherwise!"

I laughed and said "I hardly think you could make as much of a mess of it as I did do you?" (I was actually very good with money once believe it or not!)

I offered to swap the cooking and he does the money - bizarrely he said no!!!

Wonder why?

I am so pleased for you! Told you he would come round eventually!

My hubby also leaves the finances to me still - even though I am the one who lied to him in the first place!

Exellent!!!
Now hes over the shock i bet he will be even more supportive than ever.
You can do this......TOGETHER

I've always been in charge of the finances and look we're we are, mind we both knew how bad things were getting and didn't tighten the belt so we're both to blame.

So glad he is coming around and you'll be working together towards your end result.

Fab news - and such a turnaround from this time last week!

I would not let my husband near our finances - he is hopeless with money. But he does not let me near the cooker - as I am absolutely hopeless in that department!

Most definately pleasing to read this, hopefully all will go well from this point on for you and the hubby soashamed.

Bless him!

I too have always been in charge of the finances & felt truly guilty when I found us in an awful mess.
I would hide the bills and say its fine & he would never see my credit card coming out to pay for food etc. He always had an idea what debt we were in - but just didnt know we were not paying it off as what we paid we then spent n the ball kept on rolling.
When he found out he was OK, he knew he contributed as when he wanted something he got it - he had his own credit(s) card too.
My hubby has never spoken to the IVA company yet & to be honest - they would baffle him, he understands everything but talking on the phone to any company is hard for him - so I am still the one sort of in charge of the I&E & the IVA. But what a lesson to learn & good one even though its been extremely difficult for us to get through so far.

Mel, you sound the same as me!! My husband does the cooking, I do the finances - and unbelievably he still trusts me sorting all this out!! He hasn't spoken to anyone either, he's left it all to me, and trusts me completely - must be love!! x

Thanks all - I really didn't believe it would improve, but it has and I have to say that he has really stepped up to the mark

We have a long way to go, but with Malanie's help I am sure we'll be ok.

I can cook, but not very well, hubby is the expert!! Mind you I'm not that good with money either am i???!!

Yes, I told him STACKS of lies, and he still loves me - how lucky am i??

ditto!

soashamed great to hear your still making steps forward. What a transformation from a few days ago.

Tell him to stick the cooking! Mine does all that as well!

Things can only get better!

Hi
Funny enough I still in charge of the finances to, even although I am the one who messed it up! I worked in a bank for many years so it was always my job. Hubby asks lots more questions now can't say I blame him.

So glad to hear you so positive soashamed! Love definitely sees you through everything.

When my husband and I were together, he knew I was bad with money and argued constantly with me but never offered to take control and would blame me for all our expenses even though he would make reckless decisions. It was his money after all and I was an at home mum with our 3 boys.

I was left to do everything and he was so unaffectionate, which was all I wanted. I felt completely unloved, so used to go out and 'cheer myself up' buying something. I expect I'm not the only one. So now, I have been separated for 4 years, I have plenty of nice 'things' but I now have my debt which makes everything look a bit pathetic.

Sorry, I'm sounding full of self pity!

All I really wanted to say is that I am taking this as a big life lesson, I'll come out of it a better person. I will be solvent and I will appreciate what I have more.

Anyway, big hug to soashamed and change your name!!!

Nic x

Nicinamess it sounds like your accepting all the blame yourself.

You may think it looks pathetic but have you ever stopped to think how well you've done? Me and my Wife brought up two kids TOGETHER and that was hard enough and I know other couples who struggle just as hard with their kids.....for you to bring up 3 lads on your OWN must give you at least some sense of achievement.

Yes your in debt but that in know way means that your worse then anyone else. I would say you have done really well and would question how many others could cope in a similar position.

Dont put yourself down. It seems to me your Husband has put you in this position and I'm sure you'll come out of it much stronger then you went in and with 3 children who will hopefully bring you their own rewards...well done I say!