www.iva.co.uk

I've just completed the paperwork for Melanie Giles and sending it off to her.Tell me, please,dealing with the paperwork has made me feel very ashamed that I could have been so stupid; my wife is terrified - has anyone else felt so ashamed and useless? If so, how did they overcome it? I just do not know what to say - there are reasons for the debts - not high living but creditors are hard nosed accountants. I know I am in good hands with Melanie but I just feel so totally useless and shamed. David

elv

your not useless far from it i suppose you never really think of the consequences untill you face your debt and what your doing is brave and believe me it will get better, but you have to be strong facing up to your debts is a first major step in dealing with them it shows you have strength of chracter and you are determined to get your life back on track

good luck im sure melanie will see you right

Hi Elv,

I'm sure we have all felt like that at some point, but you have recognised the problem and are doing something about it - much better than burying your head in the sand.

As soon as your IVA is accepted (if thats the route you're taking)it'll start to get better, a big weight will be lifted from your mind

[:D][:D][:D]

David, please don't feel useless and ashamed.

The vast majority of the posters on here are either in, or have been in, the same position as yourself, including some of the professional experts.

You have taken a very big step admitting your problems and setting in motion the steps to get back to normality again.

You're in good hands with Melanie, just leave it to her and I am sure that everything will be ok.

Just remember that we are all here for you for support anytime you need it.

Hi David,
I'll echo everything said so far and add a little.
What you are feeling is in some ways a normal reaction. It is normal in as much as all of us here, are everyday people who for whatever reason find ourselves in debt crisis. A crisis of any sort produces panic, fear and an almost emotional burnout.
We have all felt it, and I am sure I am not the only one who wanted to cry/hug you and just reassure you, when reading your post.
Just hold on to the knowledge that you have made more than the first step to getting it under control and that is a positive position to be in. Draw strength from that hon, I promise you, what you are feeling is much more about the relief of finally facing it, and less about the panic and fear of not knowing what will happen.

Go give your wife a hug and reassure her it will be ok now you both have the controlling factor again. Because it will, and whats more you are not alone as you can see...we will be here to cheer you as you go, pick you up when it gets slow, and share the journey with you both.

*huggs to you both *
carole
x

The words "useless" and "ashamed" do not come into my vocabulary, and should not even enter your head. I know your circumstances, and you most definately do not have anything to feel useless and ashamed about.

It is often a shock when you actually sit down and map out exactly where your finances are, and the extent of your liabilities, but you must be positive and proud that you are doing something about getting your creditors repaid.

Look after your wife right now, and keep reassuring her that everything is going to be OK. When I am feeling stressed, I put on some good classical music, sit in my favourite armchair and just relax. I can really recommend it - and you have a ready supply of that right on your doorstep so to speak!!!

Don't feel ashamed or useless. You are in good hands with Melanie. Why don't you write a blog about how you feel and your journey - that will help to get it off your chest. Chin chin.

You should fel proud of the fact that your marriage is strong enough for you both to know about the debts. Many who post on here have the problem of having to keep the IVA secret,an impossible task if you ask me.

Well done for sorting yourself out. YOu have made a wise choice in IP,now relax(as much as you can),and let Mel's lot do what they do and get you approved and on track to a debt free life.

Paul

I felt exactly the same , and still do to a degree.
However , once you tell your partner the truth about the situation, not only will it relieve some of the pressure/stress , but will be the first step forward.
Be assured that you are in safe hands.
Take care.
Bill

I felt like that too, like I had let everyone down but the truth is its so easy to get into debt and the hole you fall down is almost invisible. Once youre there you have to climb back out. It takes a strong person to face it, do something about it and do what you have already done.

There is no sense in looking back, youre here now, you must look forward. Stand proud and hold your head up high, youre on your way to a new and honsest life without plastic and huge interest charges.

I know its scary and every now and again you start to doubt everything, its a bit like being on a roller coaster but with Melanie youre well strapped in.

Good luck and take care now.

David. People get into debt for a variety of reasons which is why there are insolvency practitioners. It is not a blame game and by seeking advice you are trying your best for your creditors and more importantly your family.

hello david,

I have been were you are now only 2 months ago. I have about £55k worth of debts and until I actually got to assessing my situation, I thought I was ok. When I went on the CCCS web site and did their appraisal, they recommended bankruptcy (there was some incorrect figures there though) and I was horrified!!! and ashamed!!!

I eventually got my self together and adressed the situation with Mel and the team and got my IVA approved. 2 months nearly now, I had a little bit over at the end of the month, but no creditor hassle (the odd letter as the systems get updated)and I am feeling confident and happy again after a long long time in the duldrums.

so, dont be ashamed, keep positive and you will get there. And the support from the IVA team is excellent. Good Luck!!

Hi David...I agree with all the comments ...but it is fair to say that what you are experiencing is all part of the process and the journey you are on....you just need to read some of the posts/blogs to understand that nearly everyone will experience these feelings....

In some ways if you werent feeling them it would be odd

The way to deal with them is to ensure they dont get overwhelming and too much to cope with. The best ways is to continually tell yourself that you have made the decision now to deal with things....keep reading the forum....come on here whenever you need reassurance ...have a peek at the blogs...keep in close touch with Mel and her team....pop over to the social chat part and read Wizzs jokes....and have confidence that you and your wife are moving in the right direction now.

I have realised its a bit like a grief process...once you get over the shock there are definite stages we all seem to have to progress through and the shame and feelings of uselessness are all part of this process.

Be assured....it will pass...you will look up and see the sun shining again...even if for the moment all you can see is clouds...

I`m just starting the paperwork process and it does feel strange and daunting to be doing this, bit worrying to be honest and it seems the more i read the more stressed out i become....

elv5 I too am new to the IVA process, my own was approved Tuesday of this week. Yes I do feel useless and very ashamed. I feel like I am the worst person in the world and I feel as if I have let everyone down.