www.iva.co.uk

my hubby will not stop drinking weekends are worse thought he would give his daughter who is 23 a bit of respect today by not drinking as it was his g daughters christening, drank about 1/2 bottle of wine and 2 cans and wouldnt let me drive my daughter whos 6 was breaking her heart as she wanted to see her relatives and was stood on the side of the road saying that my kids werent getting in, he had seats in his car, we had a right barny, he drove like a maniac but i felt i would be responsible if something happened, i feel so guilty now for puttin my kids in that position it will never happen again. my first IVA payment is due 1 may and we really cannot afford his drinking, i really at my wits end with him sorry to go on.

So sorry to hear that you are going through a difficult time with your hubbie. Does your husband have a stressful job, where he feels he needs to let off a little steam at the weekend, and is he still suffering from some debt stress even though your IVA has now been accepted. Sometimes it takes a little while to adjust.

It might be a good idea to get him out of the house, perhaps for a long walk, and tell him how you feel about his drinking - which is not good for his health or his pocket. I am sure that if he realises how this is affecting you he will want to try to limit his intake. Not the easiest conversation to have, but I think you will both feel better for confronting the issue rather than letting it stew and then you being on pins every weekend about the effect is is having on the children.

HI

I AM SO SORRY THAT YOU ARE HAVING A BAD TIME! CAN YOU NOT SIT DOWN AND TALK TO YOUR HUSBAND WHEN HE HAS NOT HAD A DRINK AND TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL! LIKE YOU SAY, HE IS UPSETTING YOU AND THE CHILDREN AND LIKE YOU SAY YOU CANNOT AFFORD ALL OF THIS DRINKING WHEN YOU HAVE AN IVA TO PAY! I HOPE HE WILL LISTEN TO YOU, SO YOU CAN SUPPORT EACH OTHER

REMEMBER YOU WILL ALWAYS HAVE THE SUPPORT OF YOUR FORUM FRIENDS ON HERE!

GOOD LUCK AND I HOPE YOU XAN WORK THROUGH YOUR PROBLLEMS TOGETHER!

SENDING YOU A BIG HUG

LOVE BARB X

Hey no money eva, I really feel for you, it is not very nice at all to have this to deal with. I agree with everyone else, try and talk to him but make sure it's when he hasn't been drinking.

I have kind of been in this situation but unfortunately it was me that was getting drunk. When my Mum got sick and then I lost her I took to drinking heavily purely to get drunk, it was my way of dealing with it. I treated my hubby (then he was my boyfriend) and all my best friends appallingly when I was drunk, I have no recollection of the horrible way I acted or the things I said. Maybe your hubby doesn't realise how he is when he's drinking either.

I definately wouldn't listen to anyone when I was drunk but my hubby sat me down the morning after an "episode" and said enough was enough. I was terrified and could only then see what I had to lose. That was four years ago and I haven't touched a drop of alcohol since....not even at the toast at our wedding!

Sorry if this sounds like I am hijacking your thread with my story but I thought you might like another view of the situation.

I really hope you sort things out, put your foot down and he'll soon know what his priorities are.

Good luck and thinking of you.

Viki X

Thanks for your support, he has had this problem for years and he has a great job, family etc (its my fault for nagging) I hate him doing in front of the kids. We have had too many "chats" and too many sorry I think we have probably come to the end of the road, but I have said this before and never go thru with it. Thanks for all your support at least I can let off steam here, thanks.

my daughters dad was a drinker.. I know this might not be what you want to hear, but I had to get out for sake of my baby!! He would take car in middle of night and then come in and smash things up. He would spend the last of the money out of the bank and leave us with nothing.. everytime I threatended to leave he promised he'd change, never did obviously.

I didn't think I would be able to cope on my own as he had me so low with no self confidence (I was 5ft 9 and 7 and a half stone) and he used to call me fat and ugly.

After we split up he got sent to prison for drink driving, but I don't suppose he would have learnt his lesson..

We don't see him anymore, wouldn't know where he was!!

I am now happily married, but very poor[:I] (Ha ha)

Thanks Ange, This is exactly how he is when he has been drinking. We had a wonderful day on Saturday went to see friends in Somerset in their caravan,(needless to say he didnt drink a drop of alcohol) made the most of the weather, had chips on the beach kids playing etc. It was great I ought to have known that 2 days of weekend couldnt be good. Yesterday when we went to the christening he really frigthened all of us with his driving me, dd 6 and dd 2. I saw his ex wife their and said to him i was going to speak to her to find out "the truth" this was like a red rag to a bull, i didnt thou she looked like a wreck and I am not going to end up like her.

We have bearly spoke this morning and i hate the kids being in this atmosphere.

Thanks for listening and good luck for later ange, you will be approved lol.

thanks..

I eventually thought that I was worth more than this.. daughter started wetting the bed and I just thought enough is enough!! He was a wreck when I made him leave, promised to go to AA and doctors, but being with someone for 10 year in total you know them too well, I knew he wouldn't.. would all be ok for a week or so and then would start again. Best decision I've ever made[:D]

Oh dear No Money Eva, I'm so sorry that you had such a dreadful day. Weekends are so precious aren't they, we all work hard and that's time to enjoy your family.

My husband has a stressful job and it always seemed that everytime he had his days off he would drink, and drink until he'd fall asleep on the settee. Then of course be in bed until miday the following day.

He admitted that it was partly through boredom. We have a 6 year old son and he never saw his daddy unless he was in bed.

Now we are in the IVA he has had to cut his drinking down, we can't afford it!![:I]
I agree with the posts, nothing like a talk to clear the air, although nagging is not the answer as I found out, it gets their back up!! Touchy thngs these men[:)]

Hope you can both sort it out, life's too short.

Hi no money eva, I have no personal experience of anything like this so I'm not going to offer you any advice but I just wanted to say I'm thinking of you and sending you a big hug x

Just wanted to echo the posts on here.Keep your chin up you and the kids are the most important thing to you and if it takes you to threaten him with losing you all then so be it.It may be the wake up call he needs.Take care of yourself and stay strong,we are all here to listen and help if we can xxx

Hi no money eva, I feel so sorry reading your posts. It must be awful for you at the moment. Try talk to your hubby again, and tell him its the final straw. He might listen. Hope you get things sorted. Life is too short to be miserable. Chin up !

thanks everyone the ball is in his court now to make a decision of what is more important.

thanks again x