Relationship in ruins because of money

[Niobe]

I was the hubby in our case. I had no idea how much debt we were in, the wife kept telling me we were ok but eventually it all came out in the wash. It made me quite ill but we sorted things and now are stronger than ever and have no secrets about anything.

[harrimav]

I feel that too but my husband can't see it that clearly and
he is overwhelmed and getting angry

[KM1512]

Harrinav he will get angry he feels he as failed and nobody has failed or is to blame after the anger he will calm down and start to see sense. Good luck

[footiemad]

When I first told my Husband he went a shade of grey and I thought he was going to have a heart attack. He wasn't angry although i told him that I has lied and deceived him for 10 years. Found it hard to explain why but I think in the end he understood that I was just trying to protect our family and keep all that we had. What a fool!!!! Anyway, he gradually came back to normal within a few days but even now at times I catch him in deep thought and he says it's always at the back of his mind. He absolutely loves me and can understand what and why etc but it's the word insolvent he finds hard to cope with. I promised him I would find a solution and I did - the IVA. We went through everything in great detail and he even took a day off work to help with the paperwork. The big thing is that he still trusts me and leaves me to look after the finances but I always keep everything ship-shape so that he can see in an instant that I won't let him down again. Sometimes he now laughs about it when something crops up in conversation. We were out with friends the other week and one of them asked if we had considered buying a holiday home abroad!!! That was a cracker. At times it can be fun being frugal and at others it can be b***** hard but it really is such a good opportunity to get yourselves sorted out once and for all. My Hubby is also a professional and goodness only knows what would happen if anyone found out but nobody knows whats around the corner. Hold your head high and fight for your marriage and sort your lives out together and if hubby needs any answers from people in a similar situation put him on to us. Fingers are crossed for you x

[footiemad]

Oh and I forgot to say we are managing well even with many unexpected bills. Always have money in the bank although not a lot. Just have to go without holidays although some people still mange it because they have decent bonuses which they can save. Don't forget that you should be able to keep of any bonus/overtime. It all adds up x Just make sure you choose a good IVA firm and one which you feel 100% comfortable with and question everything you don't understand.

[footiemad]

Sorry I menat to say you get to keep 50% of overtime/bonuses

[Niobe]

I went ballistic and it made me very ill for a while. I did eventually come to terms with it though as I am sure he will.

[harrimav]

Hello, that made me smile as it's exactly his reaction. I think he feels let down by me and that the future will be tougher than it is now, ( which I dont see how it can be!) . In all it'll make us stronger or break us. I don't owe quite as much 65k but it's still HUGE and all relative to what I earn. I can't believe I got in this stupid stupid mess but refuse to pay any more interest to these credit card companies when I can do something about it!
Just one more question. can you stop paying your creditors when you decide to go for it? I'm guessing that might help pull together a bit of a safety net for rest of the year ?

[Niobe]

We owed £83k between us (some joint debts but also store and credit cards held by the wife). We were actually on a dmp at the time which made it worse!!) and she had run up further credit.

We did stop paying - it does allow you to build up a bit of contingency but be aware - the creditors will start to hassle you once you do that.

[harrimav]

Yes I had gathered that but my overdraft
is running dry so struggling to pay anyway.

I'm in a right mess but I am hoping for sunshine

[Niobe]

You'll get there - we did!!

[harrimav]

Hope so , feeling really exhausted by it all now . Debt is
so draining!

[Niobe]

Tell me about it!!!

This forum is a godsend for support when there is nobody else you can turn to.

[harrimav]

Thank u so much, even these few responses have helped!

[kazzafunk]

We didn't pay creditors for 4 months prior to starting the IVA. The telephone calls and letters were relentless, but I unplugged the home phone, changed my mobile number and just let the letters pile up!!