Relationship in ruins because of money

[harrimav]

I am in the process of setting up an IVA, looking
At diff companies.

I know I need to do it as I find it
Difficult now to live within overdraft

limits too.

Also, my husband has reacted badly to all
the debts and is mega stressed out so I'm
Feeling added pressure from that.

Just wanted to share and air .

[Foggy]

Hi harrimav. Yes, it can be a stressful time, but it's important that you speak to each other --- as they used to say in the telephone ads .... "it's good to talk"

[kazzafunk]

As foggy says debt can be very stressful. Hopefully by confronting your problem you can work at the relationship and turn it into a positive.

Did your partner not know about the debts? Mine didn't know the extent and it took a lot of courage for me to own up to it.

However once we set up the IVA and he realised it was a reasonable budget to live with, the trust started to be built up again.

Hope all goes well for you both and keep posting to let us know how things are going.

[harrimav]

He knows the ballpark figure but thinks we'll
be repossessed and skint all our life !

[Foggy]

Well ... seeking a solution now can be a way to help prevent his fears coming to fruition. One thing which is a nigh on certainty is that things will not improve by letting them fester.

Join forces and support each other through this -- there IS life after debt, as long as the debt is properly dealt with.

Best of luck to both of you.

[KM1512]

Harrimav keep talking to each other and try not to blame each other for the debt situation what has happened is in the past and all you can do now is try and look to the future and sort it out good luck

[Broke of London]

Why don't you go through this site together as the information about the debt remedies is clear and succinct - perfect for someone to take in when they are stressed out.

There is no need for you to loose the house or be skint forever.

You could also chat to a few professionals from either this site or www.iva.com so you are in a position to answer some of his question and allay his concerns.

Your husband or you could also try posting your specific questions on the forum to get answers about ddebt solutions or just about what day to day life is like whily you're clearing debts.

To start you off, it isn't always easy paying off debt but it's better than living with unaffordable debt! No fear of the post/telephone, sleeping well at night and a bit more money for a more comfortable (if budget conscious) life.

[luluj]

Sound advice from others .... My husband knew we were in debt but not the extreme of it....when I finally sat there one night and said enough...I can't keep doing this...he wondered what I was on about - he had no idea we had max'd out credit cards and overdraft used up..
I sat down and and listed all of the debts on a single sheet of paper, the monthly payments against our income...he then realised we were at the end of the road.
I rang DFD and within an hour the pressure lifted - just talking to someone about it and they acknowledging there was a solution for us I felt better...it took a number of hours/days to persuade hubbie that we would be ok...
I wrote all our outgoings down (not including the creditor payments) then in another column the income...this then left a massive amount of ?1200 per month (after food and fuel) that could be going to our creditors under an IVA.....I list this figure against what our credit card / loan payments were currently and it was almost double that amount each month !
It was then he could see the need for the IVA and from then on we never had a cross word - we supported each other through the set up of the IVA and worked together to adjust to life in a budget...it really helped to be with each other rather than against each other.
The other thing that helped us...at the age of 35 I was scared to admit to our parents ...but we did and it has to be said after the shock they were there for is all the way ! I know not everyone can entrust the information to relatives and friends but for us we did and it enabled us to have weekends away at friends and when things got tough meals on the table at the parents house.
Budgeting was seen as a challenge and we had a routine of withdrawing weekly food and fuel money and then the challenge was to save what was left - by doing this we had a holiday albeit camping or caravan holiday each year - what I am saying is it isn't all bad and there are ways around the difficult times !

[harrimav]

Thanks for the kind words. We're in our 40's
And my husband quite rightly is worried
that we
Will never get out of debt even after iva and

[harrimav]

Sorry didn't finish it ... We're even thinking
of splitting up because of what the future holds!
So, we're not in good place , probably rock
Bottom , at the mo!

[harrimav]

Sorry didnt finish it... We're also thinking splitting up as
he can't take the thought of what the future holds

[footiemad]

Please don't stress too much, Like you my habby is in his forties whereas I am in my fifties and we are just over a year into our IVA. We are both convinced that there will be life after the IVA. Think of it as a 5 year bank loan, paying a lot less than you are now and when it's finished you can start afresh and lead a debt free life. If you carry on without doing anything , you could be in debt for the rest of your lives. I know there are risks ie dodgy credit rating etc but after completion you just have ti give yourself time to rebuild your credit rating. it can be done and there are many posters on here who are testament to that. Good luck and keep talking with your partner x

[harrimav]

Thank you that is good to hear , I'm actually
Wanting to do this but feel so guilty for my family
And feel full of shame, I'm a professional woman
Well educated but in a complete mess.

[footiemad]

I'm pretty similar to you, debts in excess of £125,000 which my Hubby knew nothing about and I was in a STATE. If I can sort it so can you and we will all help you along the way. If you and your partner love each other it can and will work. Keep strong and keep talking. Get your husband to read the posts on here and he will soon be assured that there IS light at the end of the tunnel x

[harrimav]

How do you manage now ? How was your hubby
when he found out ?