I'm finding it very hard to hide it from my friends and family, just how petrified I am about what I'm about to go through this year. I have the hospital again in the morning, and I have the terrible trots with nerves, I'm literally sh***ting myself in terror. I should by now, have someone going with me for each appt. Though very much like my old ma, even though she adopted me, I'm just like her, flash a smile across your chops, be cheeky, have a giggle, and put a front on. Now finding out that my lungs aren't working properly, for which I am waiting to see the lung doctor on the 16th for, for the results, has frightened me stiff. I smoked for 15 years, and still have the very odd naughty one. I've had debts for almost the same amount as it is going to cost to fix my heart. I'm whinging, I'm sorry. I CAN deal with this, I have to be honest with my mates and let them see me when I'm arse first in fear, because in all honesty I don't want to go on my own tomorrow, or any other time in the future. I'm really hoping I can still whizz up to Norfolk tomorrow afternoon, to spend some time with my best friend. Sorry for whinging, it is what it is. Need to man up.
