Simple Rule for Dating my Daughter ...
1. If you pull up outside my house and toot you'd better be delivering a package, because you're definitely not picking anything up.
2. As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the film, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Tower Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
3. The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Films with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; films which feature chainsaws are okay. Motor racing is okay. Old peoples homes are better.
4. It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about cars, formula one, the environment and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."
5. Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper moving into rv position over a village near Kabul. When my prozac starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
Have a great day xxx
The best psychological health comes from admitting your faults and recognizing they're caused by someone else.
Wizzzard xxx
